When We Are Old and Grey

When We Are Old and Grey

During the past few days, I got a chance to do a lot of reflecting, visualizing, imagining and soul searching. In the process, there were a lot of thoughts that came in to me. Some were thoughts that have always been there while some are new discoveries and some are thoughts of hope... hope for what I envision my life to be like.

In these thoughts, there were 3 things that were consistently present... and all these 3 things were always close together-- Me, my Nutbrown and Love.

In all these thoughts, there was never a time when she wasnt with me. There were never thoughts wherein she wasnt a part of it. She's always a part of my hopes and dreams just as much as I was a part of them. And in all those, it is love that
we felt and took us from one dream to another. My thoughts of love were those of the sense where the imperfections were the ones that made everything perfect for us. It wouldve been very unrealistic if all the thoughts I had were just of flowers, rainbows and unicorns. There were series of thoughts when we saw each other thru trials the same way that there were thoughts where empty hallways resounded with our laughter while we walked holding each other's hands tight. Some thoughts were of us taking care of each other at our weakest moments. There were also flashbacks of our virtual dates. One of which, I clearly remember. She took me on a carriage ride and showed me around Montreal. She asked me to close my eyes and as soon as I opened them, I found ourselves in a very beautiful church. I remember clearly how the very first tear on a date felt like. And how it was followed by more... It was the best date ever. Those tears were accompanied by smiles and beams on my face that I wish she had seen at that very moment. In the movie "City of Angels" there was a part where Nicholas Cage, the angel, asked Meg Ryan, who was a doctor why people cry. Her response was that sometimes, when our bodies are filled with so much emotions that it can no longer contain, that when we start to cry. At that moment, I knew that theory may be true. My heart was so full of bliss from my presence with her and at the same time my longing for her, and these emotions, I believe manifested into tears.

Just like all couples, we have our dates. Each very special in its own way. The other day we had our 3h date after a long time. I love how she always surprises me with impecable timing. I always tell her how I wish I can bottle up or frame every moment I have with her. But the more I internalize things, I realized that I think how we have it now beats all bottles and frames... My heart, mind and spirit and is consumed by thoughts of her... thoughts of me with her... thoughts of us together. I realize that when I have all these built-in within me, its way more realiable and lasts much longer than any bottles or frames. It's just like my heart and mind knows nothing else but to love her and think of her. And each thought of her, I absolutely love and adore.

If I were to illustrate the amount of thoughts I have of her in a day, the night sky with the moon and stars will not be enough. I always have infinite thoughts about the times I have with her whether these times are holidays, special occassions, or just regular days of the week. Afterall, she has a very special way of making ordinary days extra-ordinarily memorable. I look forward to a lifetime of these days with her as well as a lifetime of dates.

And when we are old and grey, while we have our Nutbrown dates, I know whether it would be hallways, churches or gardens, wherever it may be, it will still be resounding with our laughter while we walk together holding hands... with our canes on the other hand.


Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Nutbrown: Good Love, Good Life

Nutbrown: Good Love, Good Life

I've always believed that in my life, things will not always be so ordinary. I don't know what it was and honestly, I know I cannot point a finger at what the indications were but somehow, I knew something extra ordinarily good will come to me. Whenever my family and I went to pilgrimage trips, I never prayed for a specific person to come into my life. I never really have a list of preference. I've heard from my parents and grandparents that when we pray for something, it would help to be specific. But when it came to love and the person who will be a permanent in my life, I didnt trust myself enough... I knew God knows best and that in His perfect time, my one true love will come along in the most extra-ordinarily special way. The way only God can perfectly craft and bring together.

I've always prayed for God to prepare me for my perfect match everyday not to be perfect but to mold me into what would be perfect for whom He created me for. My prayer was always for God to make me become the person that the the person he has created for me needs, want and love. And to be brought to this person at the time that would be perfect for us both.

February last year, I have received the most amazing surprise from God. He gave me my Nutbrown and I am hers. For more than a year now, a lot has changed. And these changes were primarily brought upon by my love for her. Since I met her, I looked at mornings and nights differently. Every breath I take seems to be deeper in the sense that I know Im living not just for me but for her as well. Each day comes not just becuase of the 24 hour ruling of day and night of the solar system but because each day i live is a day of the rest of my life with her. They say that marriage is a union of 2 people, when 2 people become 1 but I dont think marriage is necessary for this to happen. I think that there comes a point in a relationship where 2 people just blend in together that although they are 2 individuals, the beat of their hearts are to strong and so in-sync that the lives of 2 people mesh into 1 of togetherness.

With her, I've forgotten how to live my life alone. I have forgotten how to exist without her. She has become my world, my life and my everything. And I know it was only in God's grace that I made it this far not having her in my life prior to last year. I believe it was the 30 years of preparation and molding to get us both to the point where we met. People always say that life begnis at 40, but I know mine began when I met her at 29 turning 30. The first moments I've spent with her is still very clear. It was as if, looking back to yesterday. From time to time, we look back and tell each other about our childhood. As happy as it makes me, I never fail to get the sense of "I wish you were there with me then"... that's whats so good about life with her now.. at this age, at this point of life... We allow ourselves to relive everything that was good back then and NOW its even better because those days that we relive, we share together.

In a way, its like having a remote to our lives. It lets us go back to the moments that were special and gives us a chance to re-create this with each other. A lot of times, I feel like im having my 2nd childhood with her. I know its a bit too early for that but with this 2nd childhood, I feel as though I am back to what was good but this time i have her next to me holding my hand. I never knew how sharing these special times with the only person that matter was soo good. I never knew that anyone can actually feel a sensation of elation from reliving the past with that one person you have in your present and the same person you will be spending your future and the everydays of your life with.

I know that not everyday will be made to perfection. There will be good times, tough times. There will always be agreements and disagreements. There will be challenges and there will times when we need to hold on to each other tighter and we will need each other's strengths to get thru some days. But she is right, at the times when the mind forgets, the heart remembers. There's a lot that the heart knows more than the mind. The feeling of how good love is comes from the heart more than it does from the mind. She is my love and my life...everything else are mere details.

Not only has she captured my heart, we have learned to recreate our past together, spend our present together and watch our future unfold in front of our very eyes knowing that no matter what it brings, as long as we have each other, nothing else matters more. She has taught me and showed me what true love means. And with her love, only a life so good follows.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)