Happy Unniversary!!!

Happy Unniversary!!

It has been said by many that 3 is a charm. It just so happened that 2 is my favorite number. And I wasnt going to change that just because I want to be one of those are chosen to be charmed. My favorite number originated from my soccer jersey.

I got in the football team in high school in my 2nd year and the I was the 2nd goal keeper for the team, hence the #2 on my jersey. At the beggining this number was more of a given rather than chosen. But as the number grew on me, I started asking for it everytime I had the chance. And in cases wherein the #2 was already taken, I would take #20. As most people would know, I enjoyed soccer very much and I believe I dedicated a signifant amount of time of my life for it. Although just like any sport, I had to set it aside to be "educated" and set my priorities straight, as too much of soccer, just like any other thing can already be unhealthy and in my case, it became a hindrance to education as it consumed too much of my time, effort and dedication.

Fast forward 15 years later, I am now working.. in a field I may say I never envisioned myself to be in. Although I have always been in the Engineering Club in High School and the last 2 years of college, it was never because I was interested in Engineering. It was more because most of my friends were interested in it and the thought of having activities while hanging out with my friends is what attracted me to be in the Engineering Club the most. A lot of the discussions in the club, I could not related to. Most of the points of interests, I did not understand. Most of the projects, I had no intentions of doing on my own. Now that I am working in a company where engineerin plays a big part of what I do on a day to day basis, I have realized that maybe being in the Engineering Club in high school and college was a break-in for me. I am very fortunate to be in the company as I am because not only do like what I do, the stress level does not make it impossible for me to contain myself, and the company is mindful of their employees needs. I did not realize this until last year, 2010 when I had to go on medical leave to undergo surgery.

I found out about the tumor I had near my heart during the annual physical exam (which is mandatory in the company)and as soon as I got the referal to see a pulmunologist and surgeon, I did. Several tests were taken to make sure we know what needs to be done. During this time, my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital. We refrained from giving her too much details about my condition so she wont have to worry about me while she tries to make herself better. Between me and
her, I know I can pull thru and my condition was a lot better than hers. After a few more frequent visits at the hospital, I finally have my schedule to do the surgery. It will be after Christmas, at the beginning of the year. January 7, 2010.

My grandma passed on at 2am on Christmas day. I guess she decided the party up there was a lot better than the ones we have here. She has always been one who somewhat made sure she got what she wanted. A week after her internment, it was my turn to go to the hospital and have my big day. The surgery was considered to be a major surgery which required at the very least 1 month rest before I can go back to work. As much as I liked the idea of staying home doing nothing and rest from morning til night and when its time for bed, to sleep again, it got a little boring after a while.

During this time, in my weakest moment, I found a friend in someone. Someone who was at her weakest moment too. From small talks, conversations got deeper. And from there, a feeling of fondness has developed. And from that fondness came familiarity. As familiarity grew, she had become my friend. And from that friendship, I knew I had something good going for me. Im not sure if many have felt the feeling of "just knowing". As wierd and strange as my next statement would sound ... I didnt know what I knew... I just knew! Trust me, i find it hard to understand and explain as well, but if/when you get that feeling, thats what it is. Strange, wierd, unusual, but... GOOD! VERY GOOD!UNEXPLAINABLY GOOD!

It was that kind of good that made me feel safe, secure, loved, understood, protected, trusted, blessed. The kind of good that made me look back on everything I did in my life and gave me the assurance that whatever it was that had been said,
done, unsaid, undone, it was those that lead me to where I am now. It was those that brought be to a point in my life where it changed everything. A point in my life where it ended life as I knew it and began life living it. One soul, one heart, one human being... thats all it took! And when that ONE came along, my life is never the same.

February 22 - 2/22: 15 years ago, I did not think I was a charmed one. Little did I know, that this number will be my charm on the year 2010. It was on this day when I knew I had someone I can never do without. Someone who will remain in my life for the rest of my life. As the seconds turn to minutes, hours, days, weeks, months... we were coming to a year. A few weeks before February 22, 2011, the excitement is growing in us. What to do? What to eat? Where to be? How to go about the day? We wanted this day to be perfect. I've never celebrated an anniversary with anyone before. As I've never commited myself to anyone enough to have an anniversary with any of them. But when I found the ONE, the 2's played their part and made it a very special day for us.

We looked back to every holiday, every special moment, how it all began, where we are now, every smile, every emotion, and how quick one year has gone by so fast. As we waited with excitement and anticipation, our special day is coming. It is never easy to be in a long distance relationship and whoever argues with this better have tangeable proof to prove otherwise. If not, then I guess I can easily qualify them to the following pre-dispositions: 1) they are not telling the truth, 2) they are emotionally crippled or dismembered, 3) they are not completely in touch with the truths of their reality, 4) they are not in the relationship as they think they are, 5) only 1 out of the 2 people in the relationship is truly in it, 6) they have a distorted definition of the word "relationship" 7) they are spacially, metrically and geographically incapable of determining units of measurement 8) they are in a relationship with themselves rather than with another individual 9) they are NOT NORMAL 10) they are beyond any category I can think of.

I say that long distance relationship is not easy because it really isnt. There was never a moment when I didnt wish for her to be next to me. Never a moment when I am not consumed by every thoughts of her. Never a moment when I thought I could last a day without her. Never a moment when my heart did not yearn to rest on hers. Never a time when my hands did not want to get as close to her as they could. I miss her each moment we are apart. I wake up every morning in anticiaption of seeing her, hearing her voice and being with her. And I sleep at night in hopes that she will meet me in my dreams and at in through that, we have our sweet escape that for that period of time, it is endless. I found my lips thanking God multiple times during the day for the simple yet most important fact in my life that I have her and she has me. For every emotions that mt heart and body feels, it is becuase she is within me.. in every inch, in every vein, in every breathe. The sky is clearer, the sun shines brighter, the rain sounds more distinct, the wind blows stronger, the moon more luminous, and the stars closer and shinnier. All these, I see differently becuase of her.

As it has been said many times before, there is balance in nature. Whenever and wherever there will be something missing,it is compensated through another. As distance may be our greatest foe, I am very lucky to somewhat have time on our side. With my line of work, I am able to work during her hours, hence we hardly feel the time difference. Oppose to time and distance being a tandem of misery, distance is our primary culprit. In a lot of ways we chose to look at how this works for us. Holidays, birthdays, special occassions are celebrated longer. Unlike being in the same time zone, we get an extra 12 hours so these moments are increased by 50% more than the usual. With this said, we have more time to celebrate, more time to say I LOVE YOU, more plans to have, more 2 Good Mornings, 2 Good Nights, 2 of each official greeting.

As our special day came, I tried to capture every moment. Every word, every sound, every gesture. I wanted to freeze every thing as we went thru the day. It is our 1st year anniversary! I wanted to encapsulate everything thats happening on that day and put it in a bottle to preserve and keep it safe and protected. If there was a vault of memories, I knew I wanted that day to be there. And open the vault and escape in it each and everytime I would miss her too much. We wanted to hold on to every moment of this day. I said HAPPY ANNIVERSARY every hour of my day, and even in my sleep I believe I have pre-programmed myself to greet her in my dreams thru my prayers. As my 24 hour day came to an end, it didnt feel like that day was ending as I knew I had 12 more hours of this special day. If only I could have a list of everything I wanted to say, do.. just everything to make this day even more special than it already is, I would give anything for it. As my noon started to come, it felt like every second went by slower, or maybe I psyched myself into thinking this but I grabbed on to each second as tight as I could. On the last hour of our anniversary I say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY over and over again. With just a few more minutes left, a thought came to me and in those few minutes left, I came to a realization...

The last 365 days I've had with her are priceless... and I hold these closest to my heart. I keep it where no one else can get to it but me and her. It is guarded by nothing else but my love for her. Those 365 days have gone by but 1 thing I hold true is that I am with her... on this day, I now have her in my past, in my present and I continue to have her in our future together. I told her, I dont know how many people in this world have realized it yet... but I dont think anyone has ever celebrated their UNNIVERSARY! 12:00:01 of February 23rd, I told her "HAPPY UNNIVERSARY"! We've had our 1st Year Anniversary together and now we are beggining the first moments of our 2nd! As another year comes for us, I know it will be as special as the past 365 days. This is what UNNIVERSARY is all about... the begginning of another year from a wonderful year that we have enjoyed, treasured and have been blessed with. It is the beginning of what is yet to come. The beginning of our next anniversary. One good thing with numbers is its infinity. From seconds, to minutes, hours, days, months and years, my love for her continues on, growing even stronger as each moment passes on. As numbers are infinite, my love for her is immeasureable. From the moment I met her until my lifetimes of forever. HAPPY UNNIVERSARY, NUTBROWN!! Ti amo, stellina mia!


Cheers!!

joyous =0)

SANDS OF TIME

SANDS OF TIME

Like grains of sand I built my castle around her
A castle where the Kings and Queens lived happily after

Like grains of sand I saw our footprints as we walk together hand in hand
Footprints that reminded us where we’ve been and where we want to go

Like grains of sand she harboured a magical sand dollar
A magical sand dollar so rare that I kept each one I had since I was younger

Like grains of sand the beach will never be complete without it
The beach where the water can flow to rush and be calm

Like grains of sand a haven is created for horses to go and run free
Horses with spirits as high as every man’s hopes should be

Like grains of sand the waves have taken her away from me
Waves that hit me from behind and was gone when I looked back to see

Like grains of sand she slipped through my fingers as I held her tight
She held my dreams as we waited for them to come true

Like grains of sand the wind carries her through each breeze
The wind that brings her back to me as she comes alive, so it seems

Like grains of sand I watched time pass me by as each one drops to the bottom of the hourglass
Time that I can never get back, time that I had with her before I saw her breathe her last

Like grains of sand my love for her can never be measured
My love that I will always remember
My love who will have my heart... a day longer than forever

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

SENSES OF HER

SENSES OF HER

I close my eyes and I start to see her from the light
Her shadow moves closer to me by the inch
Her silhouette more apparent, more defined
I’m a step away from her, reaching out for her to take my hand... until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to hear her from the silence
Her voice echoes in my head
Her words slipped through her lips
I’m a whisper away from telling her to stay and never leave...until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to smell her fragrance
Her scent lingers in the air I breathe
Her memories never leave my side
I’m a breath away from possessing her aroma... until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to feel her gentle touch
Her fingers running though my hair
Her caress so distinct, I feel it on my skin
I’m feeling her heartbeat as I hold her in my deep embrace...until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to taste her sweetest kiss
Her lips so soft like a feather blown by the wind
Her breath so warm it keeps me safe from the cold
I’m leaning in for one last kiss before she leaves... until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to wipe my tears away
My affection for her I can no longer contain
My solitude from a love that was lost to fate
She never freed my heart from her love
Not once for every day and every night I stayed awake.


Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

IN A PERFECT WORLD

IN A PERFECT WORLD
What She Should Know

She came to me like the midnight wind. No anticipation, no hesitation.
She came like she was someone from an unknown past
As if she was someone I had known all my life
And yet a certain mystery is still unraveled

She came to me like a dream. A place I cant get to while I'm wide awake
She came like she was someone I have imagined
As if she was someone I've always wanted
And yet no matter how I try, I know I can only have her in my sweet slumber

She came to me like the moon. Her light shined through my dark night
She came like she was the only one I can see
As if no one else in my world existed
And yet I was just a star in her sky she hardly recognized

She came to me like a rainbow. With a pot of gold at its end I had wished for
She came like she was someone who's gone through the rain
As if she will never see the sunlight again
And yet as I saw the colors brightly, she only saw black and white

She came to me like the sun. She was the beginning and the end of my day
She came like a promise of every tomorrow
As if she was the hope that my heart was waiting for
And yet into the horizon she slowly vanished right before my eyes

She came to me like little Cupid. With his arrow piercing through my heart
She came like she was a myth of love and beauty
As if she was all I will ever need in my life
And yet like any other story, my fairytale ended

She came to me like an angel. So heavenly. So divine
She came like she was sent from above just for me
As if she was there to lead me to my destiny
And yet fate took its turn and brought me back to reality

Will she ever come to me again?
Will she come and stay with me for a while?
As if we could have all the time in the world together
And yet in the end all I'll ever have with me are memories of her

Maybe I'll see her again
Maybe in my dreams again
Maybe one day, in a perfect world
Maybe someday, in another lifetime, with her again


Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

iWrite

iWrite

Yesterday, I got to chat with someone who has been a part of my life. In a very brief chat conversation, he asked me if I was writing a book. At first, my understanding of his question was that of his statement about him writing a book. When I asked him what the book is about, he said he meant to direct the question to me. Right away, I told him that I’m not writing a book and asked him why he thought I was. Shortly after my question, he said he had to go so unfortunately; we were not able to continue our chat.

After that, I had a lingering thought in mind. I thought to myself: “What if at some point of my life, I am able and get to write my own book?”. I have to admit I’ve dabbled into this idea quite a few times and I’m pretty sure that’s just the beginning. I know I’ll always wonder about it, if I never end up actually doing it. I know though I’m not a natural born writer. I remember struggling through my creative writing class back in grade school and barely passing. I don’t remember having the passion to write back then. Plus the class, being a creative writing class, I don’t think my creativity and imagination had been as elaborate and well developed as it is now. Back then, having to write something was considered merely a task that had to be completed for compliance’s sake. And up to now, writing for me just comes in urges. There are days when I get an unbearable urge to write about something I feel strongly about that it leaves me restless until I see something tangible that I can reference and revert my thoughts to. I guess today is just one of those days.

In some occasions, I think it’s a way for me to remind myself and help me remember some thoughts too important at that time to let it just breeze through me and let it slide off my back. Sometimes, I get a surge of thoughts. Whenever this happens, as much as possible, I try to pick out the good thoughts from it and try to put it in my “reservoir of good thoughts” to save for days when I need it the most. Unfortunately, as much as I’d want it to, my memory could fail me, which is why I think I find it necessary to have a certain type of “documentation” to make sure that the good thoughts don’t escape me. If I were to draw a picture of how it’s like, it would look very much like a single line monitor with captions moving across it from right to left. Pretty much like the monitors/signage that we have on highways, airports, and news channels, where the moving captions are my series of thoughts. There are even days when it may seem like a teleprompter instead of a single lined monitor.

I also feel as though writing for me is a transcription of my conversations with myself. When I try to talk myself through certain dilemmas, situations or even just getting a reaction and/or opinion from myself on different things. Of course, when I say conversations with myself, this also involves debating and possibly even contradicting myself, which by the way I think is perfectly fine. Whenever I catch myself having an “intrapersonal debate”, I think of it as my purging stage. I think in this stage, I come to a realization (or at least that’s what the intention is) on what is important and substantial to me on whatever the subject matter may be. I think through this, it helps me put things into perspective. And with each of these “conversations” I try to keep an open mind and keep the scrolls of thoughts coming.

Sometimes my writing is driven by intense inspiration. I don’t always know where the inspiration comes from but I think that sometimes the source of inspiration is a mix of different influences, experiences and realizations. Different things affect different people in different ways. Sometimes, what inspires us greatly are the simplest things and may be miniscule in scale for others. On the other hand, there are things that we take for granted and hardly pay attention to that would immensely be striking to others, which would then serve as a catalyst to what would inspire them. Either way, however big or small, inspiration affects us from within. And when something affects us enough, it brings out something that’s just waiting for a breakthrough. In my case, this comes out in a form of writing.

In a world where talking to one’s self is only acceptable for the clinically insane, I think writing things down is the next best thing… but that’s not to say I go along with the norm…I admit that I also have days when the urges are not limited to writing and the next best thing is just not enough and there is a need to speak…or talk…to myself!!

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Magic Touch

Magic Touch


With only less than 5 hours of sleep, I came in my office today still excited because the rain that has been pouring for days has finally stopped. The sun was up but it wasn’t too hot or humid. It could almost be the perfect summer weather. I came in about 15 minutes early because although I knew that there wouldn’t be much to do during the first few hours of my work shift, I wanted to allot time checking my personal emails. A typical start of the day in the office routine for me would be coming in, setting up my system – meaning start up my computer, run my programs, open my documents and log on to the websites I would need for work.

I’ve had previous experiences wherein I would go to my desk and find out that someone has attempted to turn off my monitors (since I’m using dual monitors) to conserve energy instead of leaving them on standby, which is common practice for me. I’ve been using these monitors for about 10 months now and since I’m not a very technical person, I don’t navigate the functions and features, afraid that I might mess up the configuration and I’d end up with an even bigger problem. Each time, I find my monitors turned off, I try to work on the cables that connect the monitors to the power supply and my CPU. Usually, as I toggle on the cables, I find a way to fix the problem and restore the power on my monitors.

Today was a bit different from those days. As I got to my desk, I saw that the blue power light on one of my monitors wasn’t blinking and worse, it was not lighted at all. This could only mean one thing… Again, someone from the energy conservation team of the company has audited our floor and saw that my monitors were on standby and turned them off. I knew that it was going to be a struggle toggling again with the cables. Slowly, my mood started to change, and I was officially PMSing. I can be a little territorial sometimes, and today was one of those days when I did not appreciate anyone touching any of the stuff on my desk. I didn’t have the time to say hello to the other people seated near my desk as I was already busy plugging and unplugging the cables. Not only did I have to remember which cable goes with which, I also have to remember, which plug goes where. Again, for a non-technical person, this was a challenge. One of my team mates, came up to me and offered me chocolates but I refused it right away because I couldn’t get my mind off my monitors. One of my monitors was working fine, but the problem was that it was the secondary monitor (which means its not the primary where it lets me log into my system). The main purpose of the secondary monitor is to extend the primary monitor so I can just drag and expand the coverage. That way, I can open multiple documents or programs without having to minimize them. It pretty much stretches the primary monitor.

After about half an hour of toggling and unplugging, I decided to use the other computers to file a ticket to IT Department to help me out since I cant figure it out anymore. As much as possible, I try to extract everything first before I escalate my issue to other departments. After successfully filing the ticket and requesting for an IT dispatch, I called, the hotline to make sure that this issue is addressed with urgency. I waited for the IT personnel to come but after waiting for about an hour, I tried my luck again and started working the cables and plugs hoping this time, what I’ve been doing before to fix the problem will work again… and that I will finally have the magic touch and my monitors will magically turn on again.

Good thing, after almost an hour of fixing it, I finally got both monitors to turn on. I tried to close the ticket I had to let IT know that I was already able to fix the problem and that they will no longer need to dispatch anyone to help me. While I was updating the ticket, I received an error that said that they could not close the issue since it did not have a root cause yet. So about 3 hours before my shift ends, an IT personnel came to my desk and ask what the problem was. I explained to him in a “semi-panic/semi-frustrated” tone that someone has turned off my monitors and I couldn’t turn it on earlier because the monitors did not have a power button (at least that’s what I have led myself to believe). I actually thought that the main power of the monitors were in the cables and as long as its connected to the CPU and the main plug, it will automatically turn on. The I told him that somehow, I was already able to fix it although I don’t know exactly how or what I did to fix it. He said he’ll try to look at the monitors and check the power button. Then I told him: “oh, but there’s no power button no this” then he said, there should be a power button and the adjusted the angle of the main monitor so he can have a better look. As soon as he adjusted slightly to left, the power button went off again… then I explaimed…”Seee!!! That’s what happened… it wouldn’t turn on again, I don’t know why it does that!” then he looked at me and just smiled. I looked back at him, and I was getting ready to be annoyed because I wasn’t sure what he was smiling about when I was obviously starting to get frustrated again. He stepped closed said.. “Look, I’ll show you…” I was shifting my eyes from looking at him, his hands, and the blue power light at the bottom of my monitor. He tapped the bottom of my monitor several times and each time he tapped it, the blue power light would turn on! And before I could even say anything he was smiling and slowly said…. “Touch screen yung monitor mo…there’s no power button because it has a sensor and you just tap it to turn it on and off”. At that moment, I felt like I wanted to magically disappear and vanish in front of him because of embarrassment. I cannot believe that this whole time, for nearly a year of using my monitor, I never figured out that it was a touch screen monitor and that each and everytime I got it fixed, it was because my fingers will be at the spot where it hits the sensors for the power. I cannot remember ever feeling so embarrassed over something so simple. But the good thing was that he was nice and he told me that it took them a while too before they figured out that it was a touch screen. I apologized for the hassle and said that he will be updating the ticket that I filed. So I asked him how he will update the ticket and what he was going to write on it. I even said.. will you say “Issue resolved… EU did not know that the monitors were touch screen???” then he just smiled and said, he’ll take care of it.

Lesson for today: All monitors will always have some kind of a power switch. If and when in doubt, check user’s manual!!!! It saves you the embarrassment.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Just One

Just One

Just recently, I had a few very interesting conversations with my close friends. After going out to dinner, we went to another friend’s house to hang out and just spend time together. My friend talk to us about her wedding plans as she and her future husband have chosen the date. We reminisced on their relationship. How it came about, how it progressed and where they are now. I found it very fascinating how fate just brings people together and how having the right person turn you into the perfect person for them. I’ve always believed that somewhere in this world, there is someone meant just for us. And we may not be all that perfect but in time, we are molded to be the person that would be perfect for the other. I understand that there is no such thing as the perfect person, but I believe that we can be the best person for another. How this all happens, is a completely different topic, which I plan to tackle next time.

In one of the conversations we had, we talked about what we want in a relationship. We all had our ideal relationships and we backtracked on previous relationships that we had. One of my friends talked about how much importance she puts on having her parents’ and family’s blessings on the relationship. I share the same value as her because I think everything eventually falls into place once the people we care the most about supports the relationship that we are in. Should problems, conflicts, and dilemmas come into play, we are sure that when we seek our family’s help, they are sure to give the advice that would be for our best interest. Then my other friend talked about the simplicity of her relationship and how it both works for her and her boyfriend. I think they are a very lucky couple because these days, relationships get more and more complicated as more factors starts to come in. I am very happy that they both manage to keep the relationship simple and real. I think this is something that more couples should strive for. I believe that the simpler the relationship is, the easier it is to manage. This is very easy to say but probably the hardest to do because I think that keeping a relationship simple needs a lot of trust, faith, honestly, respect and hope that everything will be going to be what we want it to be. My friend said that her boyfriend told her that he just wanted to be someone’s favorite person in the world. I was so moved upon hearing this, because just by that, it completely made sense… it all came together… I think that was partly how their relationship was kept simple… and yet, it meant so much!

After that night, I started to wonder and ask myself: What do I want for and from a relationship? How would I know if the person I will fall in love with is the person I want to be in a relationship with? How would I know if I’m ready for a relationship?

I think being someone’s favorite is a good start. I mean, you’d want the person you’ll be in a relationship with to think the world of you. Then I had this thought… just recently, one of my friends told me that I was the best thing that happened to her. It was very flattering to hear this. Not only because it feeds just about every aspect of someone’s ego but at the same time, it makes me believe that I’m doing someone good and something right. To have that effect on someone is very rewarding and fulfilling. I think just to be able to have an impact on someone’s life is already good… all the more if you’re the best that can happen to someone. Then I thought to myself, if it were someone else and not my friend who told me that, was that enough to make me want to be in a relationship with that person. After putting in more thoughts into it, I realized… probably not. Being the best thing to happen in someone’s life is good, but if I’m looking for a relationship that would work for me, I don’t think it would be with a person as such. The reason being with that kind of relationship, much is expected. When you become that person to another, I feel like you will constantly have to out do yourself.. because being the best is relative. One is only the best until they become second best. I think this is true not just in relationships but life in general. We see this a lot in sporting events, on people’s careers, award giving bodies, businesses, art, in practically everything around us. So I thought, for the other person, of course it is only logical for them to want to be in a relationship with someone who’s the best for them, but for the person itself, it might be difficult because of the level of expectation that has already been set even before the relationship has started. I believe that every disappointment is inversely proportional to the expectation.

Then another thought came into mind…. I thought, would I want to be in a relationship with the person who would do just about anything and everything for me. I heard a song from a boy band who talks about how they would do anything and everything for the person they love. At the initial thought, I was thinking, being with a person like that will be really good because I think it is a guarantee that they will at least try to meet all your expectations. But thinking about it more made me realize that although the perks one will be getting from this kind of relationship will be exemplary, I’m not quite sure where the relationship will be heading a few years down the road. I think with this kind of relationship, there wont be a balance and it wouldn’t look like a give and take relationship. And looks to me that it is a set up leaning towards a parasitic relationship rather than mutualism. With that thought in mind, I realized that I definitely would not want that kind of relationship, whether or not I am on a receiving end. Simply because I believe that with everything and everyone, there is a limit. No one can continue to be the giver in a relationship if you are going for “forever”. Even Aladdin was limited to only 3 wishes from the Genie.

Finally, I realized maybe I’m not ready for a relationship yet because I don’t know what I want. This, I think is very probable. I think some people make the mistake of jumping from one relationship to another just for the sake of being in a relationship. I know quite a few people who feel incomplete if they are not in a relationship with someone. It’s as if their happiness and contentment relies on the happiness and satisfaction they can give their artner and vice versa. I’ve always been very comfortable not being in a relationship, not only out of default but because I think highly of relationships and I think that our love life at present is exactly what we need at least for the time being. I see relationships as emotional investments, when the risks are high, we never gamble unless we are ready for a lost. But when we see an opportunity, we can go all in if we are aiming for a high profit. Then with this thought, I had a “somewhat Eureka!” moment. Instantly, I figured out what I wanted for my next relationship…. Or should I say my hypothetical relationship (at least for now). I think having this in mind, I would like to be with someone whom I can beat the odds with. I want someone whom I can feel the sunshine with when it rains. I want someone who will make me feel like its Christmas on Lent. Someone who will still want to go over the rainbow with me even if we both know that there wont be a pot of gold at the end of it. Someone who keeps me warm in the winter and will be the cool wind in the summer. Someone who will hand me my sneakers and tell me it’s alright when my feet start to hurt from wearing stiletto heels. Someone who wouldn’t mind lighting a single candle in the dark instead of the chandelier. And when I give that person a thousand reasons why I think our relationship couldn’t and wouldn’t work, that person would give me just one reason why they think it would. And with that one reason, all my thousand reasons will fade away and I will realize that all I need is one to make everything work out, and with fate on our side, it will!!! Just One reason… with no doubts, no questions, no hesitations.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)