A Letter To The Girl Who Lost The Girl She Loved

A Letter To The Girl Who Lost The Girl She Loved


Hello,


First of all, I wanted to say thank you for writing your open letter and having the strength and courage to share it to those who might find interest in reading an article about, love, loss, pain and the journey that one takes from being in love to ending up writing an open letter to the one she once shared her deepest secrets to and shared most precious moments with. I know how strange it feels looking back and finding yourself in the opposite side of the spectrum from where you started when you fell in love with her.

I first read your letter when I was at work… big mistake! After the first couple sentences, I found myself struggling to find my Kleenex in my purse as I bit my lip trying to stop myself from crying and eventually breaking down. Not only because I’m pretty much in the same situation as you but mostly because I saw both myself and the one I love (but no longer with) in what you’re going through. It is a blessing that I saw both personas in a single letter, from a single writer. When we read letters, it is normally one sided and we seem to sympathize with one or the other. But your letter was different, at least to me it was.

Just like you, I am in a new journey of going through each and every day without the one I truly love. The one I’ve built my world around. The one person who was included in every single plan I’ve made for my life. With everything I’ve planned for, she was in it. With every thought I had, she was with me. I have planned for “the rest of my life” to be with her. Whether it be happy, sad, tough, easy… no matter what the day will bring me, I have always envisioned her with me. I even have back thoughts of arguments with her. Rebuttals I would have for her. Convictions I’d stick up to her. I’ve planned on marrying her exactly how she wanted me to marry her. Without her knowing, I’ve already written my vows for her. I’ve kept it in a scrap book where all the little trinkets are. From time to time, I write on it.. random thoughts, receipts, table napkins, petals.. just anything that means something to me and that would remind me of specific moments I shared with her. When I started that scrap book, I was certain I would have volumes of that scrap book that I will show and read to our kids one day. The years I’ve spent with her were priceless… Up to this day, those were the finest moments of my life. I was happiest whenever I was with her, and the saddest and most miserable whenever I couldn’t spend time with her. Don’t get me wrong though, it wasn’t always perfect. Our relationship was made up of the sweetest of days and the toughest of times… And that’s what made it so precious. Whenever we pull ourselves through the most difficult arguments are the most rewarding and fulfilling because as similar as we both were, the fact remains that we were 2 different people trying to live a life as one… and whenever people do that, conflicts are unavoidable because their differences sometimes get in the way.

Just like you, whenever we would get in a big fight, she will take off the ring I gave her and put away anything that would remind her of me. It killed me every single time and I never got used to it no matter how many times she did it. It made me feel insignificant and worthless. It felt as though everything that meant something to me turn into nothing for her. For me, our ring signified everything I held true… that she was my life, my love, my world, my everything. Everything I felt for her, all my dreams, all my wishes, all my plans, I wore around my finger. Every bit of memory of us together are one by one encapsulated in the casting of that ring as we go through and live everyday together. I needed something tangible that I can hold on to and it was that ring. Through the years, I’ve developed a habit of rubbing my thumb on the ring whenever I get nervous, sad, anxious, and even when I’m extremely happy. With it, I felt it brought me closer to her whenever I was away from her and at times, when I couldn’t talk to her because I was in a meeting, or driving or just because we were both doing something, somewhere, at a place and time where we weren’t together.

Fast forward to the time I am writing this now, just like you, our relationship has ended. It’s been more than a month since I last saw her and spoke to her. But it feels like years. Every moment is a struggle. Each second feels like it could last forever. I can’t wait to get through each day because from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes to sleep, I’m never certain if I can make it through. Seeing both the sun and the moon becomes painful because it is another day spent without her. Seeing the stars makes me miserable because I know that no matter how many stars are out there in the sky there is just one wish I’ll keep making… and that is that she comes back to me. As bright as the stars are, they are way too far and mere childhood dreams and fantasies wouldn’t bring her back to me. People have always said that time heals all wounds, I’ve always thought they were right. But now I wonder if it applies to all situations or if heartbreaks are exceptions to that because this broken heart still hurts and doesn’t get better with each day that comes. In fact, I feel like it cuts deeper in deeper with every day I spend without her. I’ve been told that its just a matter of getting used to. But how does that work?, I ask myself. How do I unlearn loving her? How do I build new dreams without her? So many “hows” and “whys” but the scary part is that I may never know the answer to these questions and I may never understand how such a perfect love can have a very painful ending. And how forever is no longer infinite and how it can end so soon.

Sleep becomes my best friend and every love song becomes a constant companion. When I get lucky and find myself exhausted coming home, I lay in bed and say a prayer for her to come in my dreams, that even just in dreams, I can feel how it’s like to be with her again. I cling on to every hope, every faith, every chance, anything that could take me back to the moments when I was with her. Before the finality dawned onto me that we are over and that there’s no more “us” … now only a “me” and “her”.

I’m the worst person to give any advice because if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t be just like you hurting. But if its to any comfort, I would say you were right in not wanting her to change her mind. You are not alone in that. No one deserves to feel like they are just an option… as if you are just one of the choices in a multiple choice or an odd man out quiz. When you plan your life and build your world around someone, you need them to be definite about you at the very least. If it means losing her for a few weeks, months, years or however long it takes for them to figure out that you are “the one” so then be it. If it never happens then I guess either or both of you deserves better. I’ve heard people say that closure from an ended a relationship is a privilege and never a right. We can never demand it. It may end up that the memories you’ve had with her will be just that… memories; and all the lessons you’ve learned along with it.

I’ve always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I know that at the stage that we are both in, its very hard to make sense of anything because none of it makes sense. Everything is a blur and as clear as mud. Maybe that’s how it should be right now. Maybe the only path we can take in this journey is living each day until we find the answers unravel before us. Reading your letter made me realize that in situations like this, there is no “heartbreaker” and “the one who’s heart got broken”. When two people share their lives together and promise forever to each other, those two characters no longer exist. Because when the love between them fades and doesn’t work out the way they planned it to work and last, no one wins… both their hearts get broken in the end. One may handle it better than the other, but that’s never an indication of who’s hurting more. Some heartbreaks are explosive as bombs, while others suffer in deafening silence. Either way, a breaking heart is a heart broken which needs healing, mending and fixing… until the pieces are back together and capable of loving again. Whether it’s for the same person or for another, that will be another letter to the girl who lost the girl she loved.

Until then,

joyous002 =(


Note: This is a response to an open letter from an Anonymous writter on Thought Catalog published on March 14, 2013 entitled An Open Letter To The Girl I Loved and Lost

Just One

Just One

Just recently, I had a few very interesting conversations with my close friends. After going out to dinner, we went to another friend’s house to hang out and just spend time together. My friend talk to us about her wedding plans as she and her future husband have chosen the date. We reminisced on their relationship. How it came about, how it progressed and where they are now. I found it very fascinating how fate just brings people together and how having the right person turn you into the perfect person for them. I’ve always believed that somewhere in this world, there is someone meant just for us. And we may not be all that perfect but in time, we are molded to be the person that would be perfect for the other. I understand that there is no such thing as the perfect person, but I believe that we can be the best person for another. How this all happens, is a completely different topic, which I plan to tackle next time.

In one of the conversations we had, we talked about what we want in a relationship. We all had our ideal relationships and we backtracked on previous relationships that we had. One of my friends talked about how much importance she puts on having her parents’ and family’s blessings on the relationship. I share the same value as her because I think everything eventually falls into place once the people we care the most about supports the relationship that we are in. Should problems, conflicts, and dilemmas come into play, we are sure that when we seek our family’s help, they are sure to give the advice that would be for our best interest. Then my other friend talked about the simplicity of her relationship and how it both works for her and her boyfriend. I think they are a very lucky couple because these days, relationships get more and more complicated as more factors starts to come in. I am very happy that they both manage to keep the relationship simple and real. I think this is something that more couples should strive for. I believe that the simpler the relationship is, the easier it is to manage. This is very easy to say but probably the hardest to do because I think that keeping a relationship simple needs a lot of trust, faith, honestly, respect and hope that everything will be going to be what we want it to be. My friend said that her boyfriend told her that he just wanted to be someone’s favorite person in the world. I was so moved upon hearing this, because just by that, it completely made sense… it all came together… I think that was partly how their relationship was kept simple… and yet, it meant so much!

After that night, I started to wonder and ask myself: What do I want for and from a relationship? How would I know if the person I will fall in love with is the person I want to be in a relationship with? How would I know if I’m ready for a relationship?

I think being someone’s favorite is a good start. I mean, you’d want the person you’ll be in a relationship with to think the world of you. Then I had this thought… just recently, one of my friends told me that I was the best thing that happened to her. It was very flattering to hear this. Not only because it feeds just about every aspect of someone’s ego but at the same time, it makes me believe that I’m doing someone good and something right. To have that effect on someone is very rewarding and fulfilling. I think just to be able to have an impact on someone’s life is already good… all the more if you’re the best that can happen to someone. Then I thought to myself, if it were someone else and not my friend who told me that, was that enough to make me want to be in a relationship with that person. After putting in more thoughts into it, I realized… probably not. Being the best thing to happen in someone’s life is good, but if I’m looking for a relationship that would work for me, I don’t think it would be with a person as such. The reason being with that kind of relationship, much is expected. When you become that person to another, I feel like you will constantly have to out do yourself.. because being the best is relative. One is only the best until they become second best. I think this is true not just in relationships but life in general. We see this a lot in sporting events, on people’s careers, award giving bodies, businesses, art, in practically everything around us. So I thought, for the other person, of course it is only logical for them to want to be in a relationship with someone who’s the best for them, but for the person itself, it might be difficult because of the level of expectation that has already been set even before the relationship has started. I believe that every disappointment is inversely proportional to the expectation.

Then another thought came into mind…. I thought, would I want to be in a relationship with the person who would do just about anything and everything for me. I heard a song from a boy band who talks about how they would do anything and everything for the person they love. At the initial thought, I was thinking, being with a person like that will be really good because I think it is a guarantee that they will at least try to meet all your expectations. But thinking about it more made me realize that although the perks one will be getting from this kind of relationship will be exemplary, I’m not quite sure where the relationship will be heading a few years down the road. I think with this kind of relationship, there wont be a balance and it wouldn’t look like a give and take relationship. And looks to me that it is a set up leaning towards a parasitic relationship rather than mutualism. With that thought in mind, I realized that I definitely would not want that kind of relationship, whether or not I am on a receiving end. Simply because I believe that with everything and everyone, there is a limit. No one can continue to be the giver in a relationship if you are going for “forever”. Even Aladdin was limited to only 3 wishes from the Genie.

Finally, I realized maybe I’m not ready for a relationship yet because I don’t know what I want. This, I think is very probable. I think some people make the mistake of jumping from one relationship to another just for the sake of being in a relationship. I know quite a few people who feel incomplete if they are not in a relationship with someone. It’s as if their happiness and contentment relies on the happiness and satisfaction they can give their artner and vice versa. I’ve always been very comfortable not being in a relationship, not only out of default but because I think highly of relationships and I think that our love life at present is exactly what we need at least for the time being. I see relationships as emotional investments, when the risks are high, we never gamble unless we are ready for a lost. But when we see an opportunity, we can go all in if we are aiming for a high profit. Then with this thought, I had a “somewhat Eureka!” moment. Instantly, I figured out what I wanted for my next relationship…. Or should I say my hypothetical relationship (at least for now). I think having this in mind, I would like to be with someone whom I can beat the odds with. I want someone whom I can feel the sunshine with when it rains. I want someone who will make me feel like its Christmas on Lent. Someone who will still want to go over the rainbow with me even if we both know that there wont be a pot of gold at the end of it. Someone who keeps me warm in the winter and will be the cool wind in the summer. Someone who will hand me my sneakers and tell me it’s alright when my feet start to hurt from wearing stiletto heels. Someone who wouldn’t mind lighting a single candle in the dark instead of the chandelier. And when I give that person a thousand reasons why I think our relationship couldn’t and wouldn’t work, that person would give me just one reason why they think it would. And with that one reason, all my thousand reasons will fade away and I will realize that all I need is one to make everything work out, and with fate on our side, it will!!! Just One reason… with no doubts, no questions, no hesitations.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)