Ach du meine Güte, gar nichts klappt mehr, so'ne Scheiße
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Heidi Klum: (about Barney) Is he okay?
Ted: Ah, he has the yips. Hasn't been able to hit on a woman all night.
Heidi Klum: He has the yips? Ooh, that's bad. You know, in Germany we call this "Ach du meine Güte, gar nichts klappt mehr, so'ne Scheiße" ["Oh my goodness, nothing's working anymore, oh crap"]. Wow, that is bad
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I found this very interesting. I just saw this episode of How I met Your Mother and it was hilarious. But of course, being one who tries to look at the deeper side of everything, I started to analyze this episode and tried to see if it has any relation to me. After a few minutes of pondering and linking scenarios from the show to my life; true enough it has a connection. But unfortunately, its not as hilarious as the show… quite the opposite actually. Here's a part of the synopsis given by one of the viewers of the show:
Barney's confidence with his dealings with women takes a dive after finding out the awesomeness of his 'first time' was a sham, and he gets 'The Yips'.
How I Met Your Mother Meets My Life:
Just recently, I had to deal with an emotional downfall where it involved a really close friend. It’s a relatively long story how point A moves to point B and how we ended up on point Z. But to keep it short, here are a few of the premises: Boundaries were known, limitations were given and the rules were set all in hope for clarity and simplicity on the friendship. Typically, I know, friends don’t need this. But since dynamics of friendship may vary I can guarantee this is one of the exceptions. Simply because there was an undeniable connection with someone I hardly knew. Given the known fact that sometimes, it takes a lifetime to completely know someone, this was different because several other factors are involved such as time, distance, cultural, personality and other differences come in to play. Having the person and the circumstances qualify as an exception, I really wanted things to be as simple and clear as possible, which I thought I was doing. We had numerous conversations practically about everything under the sun. Some conversations were deeper than the others, some didn’t have sense at all which made it special because its very interesting how 2 adults can have a conversation about nonsense and yet make perfect sense out of it just because of the whole experience of it. Some we had to struggle to get through the conversation – there are things that are more difficult to talk about than the others, but we carried though. Or at least I thought we did.
I can honestly say that I enjoyed all my conversations with my friend. And some of those conversations were the ones that meant the most to me than the entertainment value of the recreational activities that we did or even the places we went to. Some of the things that I remember most about my friend were just about the ones where we would sit somewhere and just talk. Having this in mind, I was sure that we were on the same page. I could have sworn to anyone we were exactly at the same wavelength. Everything else that transpired between us came from the assurance that we get each other. I think there were certain things that I was comfortable enough to say or do because of this assurance. That without it, I probably wouldn’t have done due to the risk of misinterpretation. Repeatedly, I was assured that all was good and that there was nothing to worry about. That we both get it. We are on the same page. No questions. No confusion. Complete clarity.
Until another conversation came…the one conversation that changed everything. The one thing I was afraid that would happen. The sole purpose as to why I wanted the clarity. As my friend uttered the words of doubt and confusion, one by one, the moments we spent together flashed before my eyes as if I am watching it in the movies... only this time, it was in slow motion and dream-like… the images came in very hazy as if they were covered by clouds. As the last word of the string of speech was said, it was clear to me. There was never clarity. Absolute confusion. Nothing but doubts. Not only are we not on the same page, we were reading completely different books. And worse, my friend never got it. After all the explanations in our conversations… none of the words I’ve said made a difference. It felt then like the whole time we were together, we both spoke 2 different and incomprehensible languages to each other.
I wanted the images to come back and help me figure out where it went wrong. I tried to play it over in my head so many times, but still, none of those pointed out to the answer. Now, I’m left with a question that I’m not sure could offer comfort after what happened. The hurt is a given… but what caused it?….I had questions in my head, some of those were, what hurts more: The fact that I have been deceived and led into believing that all is good when truly it wasn’t? or the fact that my friend didn’t trust me enough with the truth from the very beginning? Should I get upset about being lied to or do I get upset because I had to earn my friend’s trust when I’ve been honest all along?
I start to wonder, what those moments spent with my friend are now about. I’d hate to think they were merely lies but how could anyone bring back the meaning that it had when one discovers the high probability of everything, now being null and void. That everything that has been spoken were nothing but that of empty words. How do I ignore the questions I have now? How can I not question the sincerity and authenticity of everything after all this? How do I now get rid of all the doubts about my friend that are coming up from time to time? How can I trust my friend again?
Another thing that added insult to the injury was the thought that my friend had me at my best. At the time that I was able to spend time with my friend, I was at my most stable condition in terms of physical, emotional and psychological. It was a little after Christmas then so I had a lot of time to rest, spend a lot of family time and I did a lot of reflecting over the holidays. With that, I was able to resolve any hang ups I may have had from the previous year (although I must say 2008 has been a really good year for me!). To sum up my general state that time, I was at peace with myself and with the universe. And because of this, it got me thinking… if my friend had me at my best and still chose to hurt me through the most indirect and remote form of betrayal, what guarantee do I have that my friend would not tear me apart when I’m at my worst. With friends, there is an unspoken understanding and pact of “sticking together through thick and thin”…. How can I hold on to that when I have already been abandoned at a time where there was abundance of everything that was necessary. Maybe a better metaphor is: That I have already been thrown off the boat and left at sea even before there was any sign of it sinking... just to make sure that i'm one less person on board, it case the boat pulls a Titanic on them.
I have to admit I mourned over this. I felt as if something very dear to me had died. The meaningful and lasting friendship I have hoped for with this person somewhat vanished. Although I don’t think the friendship ends there, neither do I think it will ever go back to how it was. Those brief special moments we’ve had, I don’t think we’ll ever get back. That as much as I would try, no matter what I do… I got "The Yips" on our friendship. That nothing will ever work the same way it did. And I know it’s only a matter of time before my friend would also realize and tell me: “Ach du meine Güte, gar nichts klappt mehr, so'ne Scheiße” … and when that time comes, I know I would agree. Sadly, that would be the only time my friend and I would have conclusive clarity.
Cheers -- to the good times!!
~joyous =0)
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