Joyous002

When We Are Old and Grey

2011-04-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

When We Are Old and Grey

During the past few days, I got a chance to do a lot of reflecting, visualizing, imagining and soul searching. In the process, there were a lot of thoughts that came in to me. Some were thoughts that have always been there while some are new discoveries and some are thoughts of hope... hope for what I envision my life to be like.

In these thoughts, there were 3 things that were consistently present... and all these 3 things were always close together-- Me, my Nutbrown and Love.

In all these thoughts, there was never a time when she wasnt with me. There were never thoughts wherein she wasnt a part of it. She's always a part of my hopes and dreams just as much as I was a part of them. And in all those, it is love that
we felt and took us from one dream to another. My thoughts of love were those of the sense where the imperfections were the ones that made everything perfect for us. It wouldve been very unrealistic if all the thoughts I had were just of flowers, rainbows and unicorns. There were series of thoughts when we saw each other thru trials the same way that there were thoughts where empty hallways resounded with our laughter while we walked holding each other's hands tight. Some thoughts were of us taking care of each other at our weakest moments. There were also flashbacks of our virtual dates. One of which, I clearly remember. She took me on a carriage ride and showed me around Montreal. She asked me to close my eyes and as soon as I opened them, I found ourselves in a very beautiful church. I remember clearly how the very first tear on a date felt like. And how it was followed by more... It was the best date ever. Those tears were accompanied by smiles and beams on my face that I wish she had seen at that very moment. In the movie "City of Angels" there was a part where Nicholas Cage, the angel, asked Meg Ryan, who was a doctor why people cry. Her response was that sometimes, when our bodies are filled with so much emotions that it can no longer contain, that when we start to cry. At that moment, I knew that theory may be true. My heart was so full of bliss from my presence with her and at the same time my longing for her, and these emotions, I believe manifested into tears.

Just like all couples, we have our dates. Each very special in its own way. The other day we had our 3h date after a long time. I love how she always surprises me with impecable timing. I always tell her how I wish I can bottle up or frame every moment I have with her. But the more I internalize things, I realized that I think how we have it now beats all bottles and frames... My heart, mind and spirit and is consumed by thoughts of her... thoughts of me with her... thoughts of us together. I realize that when I have all these built-in within me, its way more realiable and lasts much longer than any bottles or frames. It's just like my heart and mind knows nothing else but to love her and think of her. And each thought of her, I absolutely love and adore.

If I were to illustrate the amount of thoughts I have of her in a day, the night sky with the moon and stars will not be enough. I always have infinite thoughts about the times I have with her whether these times are holidays, special occassions, or just regular days of the week. Afterall, she has a very special way of making ordinary days extra-ordinarily memorable. I look forward to a lifetime of these days with her as well as a lifetime of dates.

And when we are old and grey, while we have our Nutbrown dates, I know whether it would be hallways, churches or gardens, wherever it may be, it will still be resounding with our laughter while we walk together holding hands... with our canes on the other hand.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Nutbrown: Good Love, Good Life

2011-04-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

Nutbrown: Good Love, Good Life

I've always believed that in my life, things will not always be so ordinary. I don't know what it was and honestly, I know I cannot point a finger at what the indications were but somehow, I knew something extra ordinarily good will come to me. Whenever my family and I went to pilgrimage trips, I never prayed for a specific person to come into my life. I never really have a list of preference. I've heard from my parents and grandparents that when we pray for something, it would help to be specific. But when it came to love and the person who will be a permanent in my life, I didnt trust myself enough... I knew God knows best and that in His perfect time, my one true love will come along in the most extra-ordinarily special way. The way only God can perfectly craft and bring together.

I've always prayed for God to prepare me for my perfect match everyday not to be perfect but to mold me into what would be perfect for whom He created me for. My prayer was always for God to make me become the person that the the person he has created for me needs, want and love. And to be brought to this person at the time that would be perfect for us both.

February last year, I have received the most amazing surprise from God. He gave me my Nutbrown and I am hers. For more than a year now, a lot has changed. And these changes were primarily brought upon by my love for her. Since I met her, I looked at mornings and nights differently. Every breath I take seems to be deeper in the sense that I know Im living not just for me but for her as well. Each day comes not just becuase of the 24 hour ruling of day and night of the solar system but because each day i live is a day of the rest of my life with her. They say that marriage is a union of 2 people, when 2 people become 1 but I dont think marriage is necessary for this to happen. I think that there comes a point in a relationship where 2 people just blend in together that although they are 2 individuals, the beat of their hearts are to strong and so in-sync that the lives of 2 people mesh into 1 of togetherness.

With her, I've forgotten how to live my life alone. I have forgotten how to exist without her. She has become my world, my life and my everything. And I know it was only in God's grace that I made it this far not having her in my life prior to last year. I believe it was the 30 years of preparation and molding to get us both to the point where we met. People always say that life begnis at 40, but I know mine began when I met her at 29 turning 30. The first moments I've spent with her is still very clear. It was as if, looking back to yesterday. From time to time, we look back and tell each other about our childhood. As happy as it makes me, I never fail to get the sense of "I wish you were there with me then"... that's whats so good about life with her now.. at this age, at this point of life... We allow ourselves to relive everything that was good back then and NOW its even better because those days that we relive, we share together.

In a way, its like having a remote to our lives. It lets us go back to the moments that were special and gives us a chance to re-create this with each other. A lot of times, I feel like im having my 2nd childhood with her. I know its a bit too early for that but with this 2nd childhood, I feel as though I am back to what was good but this time i have her next to me holding my hand. I never knew how sharing these special times with the only person that matter was soo good. I never knew that anyone can actually feel a sensation of elation from reliving the past with that one person you have in your present and the same person you will be spending your future and the everydays of your life with.

I know that not everyday will be made to perfection. There will be good times, tough times. There will always be agreements and disagreements. There will be challenges and there will times when we need to hold on to each other tighter and we will need each other's strengths to get thru some days. But she is right, at the times when the mind forgets, the heart remembers. There's a lot that the heart knows more than the mind. The feeling of how good love is comes from the heart more than it does from the mind. She is my love and my life...everything else are mere details.

Not only has she captured my heart, we have learned to recreate our past together, spend our present together and watch our future unfold in front of our very eyes knowing that no matter what it brings, as long as we have each other, nothing else matters more. She has taught me and showed me what true love means. And with her love, only a life so good follows.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

The Other Man: Oscar

2011-02-28T20:58:00.000-08:00

The Other Man: Oscar

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, also known as the Acadamy Awards or what is most known for as The Oscars is a yearly event where the brightest stars in Hollywood are recognized by this award giving body. For actors and actresses this is "THE AWARD" to be worn. If its anything, this spells out ACCOMPLISHMENT and SUCCESS in their chosen field - acting, film making, anything that has to do with bringing a story into the silverscreen and for that approximate hour and a half, characters, storylines, settings and periods of time come to life.

I would not consider myself as an avid fan of the Oscars. I dont wait every year for it. But I must admit that it interest me. And whenever I get the chance, I watch the Oscars. Not because of my interest in film making or the arts, but mostly because I watch out for the emotions that are brought upon by this recognition. At one point or another, intentional or unintentional, it is a good source of entertainment, whether it may be brief or from an elborate acts or attempts to entertain.

As far as I can remember, I've always watched the Oscars alone. I've watched the academy winners laugh, cry, go hysterical, deliver the wittiest acceptance speeches and unfortunately, even embarass themselves willingly or unwillingly.

As I watched in the previous years, I laughed, cried and entertained myself watching the show alone. This has just changed as last night, I watched the Oscars with my Nutbrown. As we waiting for the show to begin, we shared different views on the people who are involved in this years show. As we conversed, I noticed that my interest began shifting. more than watching the show, I wanted this moment because I was with her. What I have been used to doing alone, I am now sharing with her. And the feeling is simply amazing!

As we watched each winner go up on stage, accept their award and recognized the people who have been significant to them and who have played a part in their lives that brought them to that stage that evening, I began to wonder. Will I ever get that chance. To go up in front of everyone and declare my gratitude, undying love and devotion to her and just have a shining moment wherein all that I am, and that I have become is an embodiment of what she has been to me. I started watching the different videos of past winners of the Oscars and one thing I noticed is that no one ever missed saying THANK YOU! and even for many, the words I LOVE YOU! has escaped their lips as if they were saying it for the very first time.

It is not the words, but the emotions. These emotions being attempted to be put into audible meaniful words in hopes that they would be a close approximation of what/how they truly feel on their finest moment. I watched the video clip of Penelope Cruz's acceptance speech when she won for the 2009 Best Supporting Actress Award and Sandra Bullock winning Best Actress in 2010 . Both spoke of love and gratitude. And with these their emotions flowed out and almost taking over them. With awards like this, I dont think it has anything to do with luck. It is a craft that is being recognized.

As I reflected with these thoughts, I know in my lifetime the chances of me receiving an award like that and having the chance to deliver an acceptance speech is exponentially slimmer than my chances in winning the lottery. And with this, as
hollywood stars wait for their next award winning project that will bring them closer to the most coveted man in hollywood-- the golden man, known as Oscar, I hold close in my heart my Nutbrown. With love and gratitude, I plan to tell her and show her everyday how I am truly blessed and honored to have her and how every moment of being loved by her is my finest and shining moment. Every emotion I have from her comes from deep within that no one else can ever portray and if ever it were attempted to be captured in film, it would be a movie that would run a lifetime as my love for her has no end, and the scripts are continuously evolving as what is written in the stars, better known as fate and destiny has slowly begun to unfold when I met her.

To the other man, Oscar... who has never failed to make a star shine brighter every year, Thank you! For it is the light of your stars that points me to my True North... My Nutbrown, stellina mia!

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Happy Unniversary!!!

2011-02-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Unniversary!!

It has been said by many that 3 is a charm. It just so happened that 2 is my favorite number. And I wasnt going to change that just because I want to be one of those are chosen to be charmed. My favorite number originated from my soccer jersey.

I got in the football team in high school in my 2nd year and the I was the 2nd goal keeper for the team, hence the #2 on my jersey. At the beggining this number was more of a given rather than chosen. But as the number grew on me, I started asking for it everytime I had the chance. And in cases wherein the #2 was already taken, I would take #20. As most people would know, I enjoyed soccer very much and I believe I dedicated a signifant amount of time of my life for it. Although just like any sport, I had to set it aside to be "educated" and set my priorities straight, as too much of soccer, just like any other thing can already be unhealthy and in my case, it became a hindrance to education as it consumed too much of my time, effort and dedication.

Fast forward 15 years later, I am now working.. in a field I may say I never envisioned myself to be in. Although I have always been in the Engineering Club in High School and the last 2 years of college, it was never because I was interested in Engineering. It was more because most of my friends were interested in it and the thought of having activities while hanging out with my friends is what attracted me to be in the Engineering Club the most. A lot of the discussions in the club, I could not related to. Most of the points of interests, I did not understand. Most of the projects, I had no intentions of doing on my own. Now that I am working in a company where engineerin plays a big part of what I do on a day to day basis, I have realized that maybe being in the Engineering Club in high school and college was a break-in for me. I am very fortunate to be in the company as I am because not only do like what I do, the stress level does not make it impossible for me to contain myself, and the company is mindful of their employees needs. I did not realize this until last year, 2010 when I had to go on medical leave to undergo surgery.

I found out about the tumor I had near my heart during the annual physical exam (which is mandatory in the company)and as soon as I got the referal to see a pulmunologist and surgeon, I did. Several tests were taken to make sure we know what needs to be done. During this time, my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital. We refrained from giving her too much details about my condition so she wont have to worry about me while she tries to make herself better. Between me and
her, I know I can pull thru and my condition was a lot better than hers. After a few more frequent visits at the hospital, I finally have my schedule to do the surgery. It will be after Christmas, at the beginning of the year. January 7, 2010.

My grandma passed on at 2am on Christmas day. I guess she decided the party up there was a lot better than the ones we have here. She has always been one who somewhat made sure she got what she wanted. A week after her internment, it was my turn to go to the hospital and have my big day. The surgery was considered to be a major surgery which required at the very least 1 month rest before I can go back to work. As much as I liked the idea of staying home doing nothing and rest from morning til night and when its time for bed, to sleep again, it got a little boring after a while.

During this time, in my weakest moment, I found a friend in someone. Someone who was at her weakest moment too. From small talks, conversations got deeper. And from there, a feeling of fondness has developed. And from that fondness came familiarity. As familiarity grew, she had become my friend. And from that friendship, I knew I had something good going for me. Im not sure if many have felt the feeling of "just knowing". As wierd and strange as my next statement would sound ... I didnt know what I knew... I just knew! Trust me, i find it hard to understand and explain as well, but if/when you get that feeling, thats what it is. Strange, wierd, unusual, but... GOOD! VERY GOOD!UNEXPLAINABLY GOOD!

It was that kind of good that made me feel safe, secure, loved, understood, protected, trusted, blessed. The kind of good that made me look back on everything I did in my life and gave me the assurance that whatever it was that had been said,
done, unsaid, undone, it was those that lead me to where I am now. It was those that brought be to a point in my life where it changed everything. A point in my life where it ended life as I knew it and began life living it. One soul, one heart, one human being... thats all it took! And when that ONE came along, my life is never the same.

February 22 - 2/22: 15 years ago, I did not think I was a charmed one. Little did I know, that this number will be my charm on the year 2010. It was on this day when I knew I had someone I can never do without. Someone who will remain in my life for the rest of my life. As the seconds turn to minutes, hours, days, weeks, months... we were coming to a year. A few weeks before February 22, 2011, the excitement is growing in us. What to do? What to eat? Where to be? How to go about the day? We wanted this day to be perfect. I've never celebrated an anniversary with anyone before. As I've never commited myself to anyone enough to have an anniversary with any of them. But when I found the ONE, the 2's played their part and made it a very special day for us.

We looked back to every holiday, every special moment, how it all began, where we are now, every smile, every emotion, and how quick one year has gone by so fast. As we waited with excitement and anticipation, our special day is coming. It is never easy to be in a long distance relationship and whoever argues with this better have tangeable proof to prove otherwise. If not, then I guess I can easily qualify them to the following pre-dispositions: 1) they are not telling the truth, 2) they are emotionally crippled or dismembered, 3) they are not completely in touch with the truths of their reality, 4) they are not in the relationship as they think they are, 5) only 1 out of the 2 people in the relationship is truly in it, 6) they have a distorted definition of the word "relationship" 7) they are spacially, metrically and geographically incapable of determining units of measurement 8) they are in a relationship with themselves rather than with another individual 9) they are NOT NORMAL 10) they are beyond any category I can think of.

I say that long distance relationship is not easy because it really isnt. There was never a moment when I didnt wish for her to be next to me. Never a moment when I am not consumed by every thoughts of her. Never a moment when I thought I could last a day without her. Never a moment when my heart did not yearn to rest on hers. Never a time when my hands did not want to get as close to her as they could. I miss her each moment we are apart. I wake up every morning in anticiaption of seeing her, hearing her voice and being with her. And I sleep at night in hopes that she will meet me in my dreams and at in through that, we have our sweet escape that for that period of time, it is endless. I found my lips thanking God multiple times during the day for the simple yet most important fact in my life that I have her and she has me. For every emotions that mt heart and body feels, it is becuase she is within me.. in every inch, in every vein, in every breathe. The sky is clearer, the sun shines brighter, the rain sounds more distinct, the wind blows stronger, the moon more luminous, and the stars closer and shinnier. All these, I see differently becuase of her.

As it has been said many times before, there is balance in nature. Whenever and wherever there will be something missing,it is compensated through another. As distance may be our greatest foe, I am very lucky to somewhat have time on our side. With my line of work, I am able to work during her hours, hence we hardly feel the time difference. Oppose to time and distance being a tandem of misery, distance is our primary culprit. In a lot of ways we chose to look at how this works for us. Holidays, birthdays, special occassions are celebrated longer. Unlike being in the same time zone, we get an extra 12 hours so these moments are increased by 50% more than the usual. With this said, we have more time to celebrate, more time to say I LOVE YOU, more plans to have, more 2 Good Mornings, 2 Good Nights, 2 of each official greeting.

As our special day came, I tried to capture every moment. Every word, every sound, every gesture. I wanted to freeze every thing as we went thru the day. It is our 1st year anniversary! I wanted to encapsulate everything thats happening on that day and put it in a bottle to preserve and keep it safe and protected. If there was a vault of memories, I knew I wanted that day to be there. And open the vault and escape in it each and everytime I would miss her too much. We wanted to hold on to every moment of this day. I said HAPPY ANNIVERSARY every hour of my day, and even in my sleep I believe I have pre-programmed myself to greet her in my dreams thru my prayers. As my 24 hour day came to an end, it didnt feel like that day was ending as I knew I had 12 more hours of this special day. If only I could have a list of everything I wanted to say, do.. just everything to make this day even more special than it already is, I would give anything for it. As my noon started to come, it felt like every second went by slower, or maybe I psyched myself into thinking this but I grabbed on to each second as tight as I could. On the last hour of our anniversary I say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY over and over again. With just a few more minutes left, a thought came to me and in those few minutes left, I came to a realization...

The last 365 days I've had with her are priceless... and I hold these closest to my heart. I keep it where no one else can get to it but me and her. It is guarded by nothing else but my love for her. Those 365 days have gone by but 1 thing I hold true is that I am with her... on this day, I now have her in my past, in my present and I continue to have her in our future together. I told her, I dont know how many people in this world have realized it yet... but I dont think anyone has ever celebrated their UNNIVERSARY! 12:00:01 of February 23rd, I told her "HAPPY UNNIVERSARY"! We've had our 1st Year Anniversary together and now we are beggining the first moments of our 2nd! As another year comes for us, I know it will be as special as the past 365 days. This is what UNNIVERSARY is all about... the begginning of another year from a wonderful year that we have enjoyed, treasured and have been blessed with. It is the beginning of what is yet to come. The beginning of our next anniversary. One good thing with numbers is its infinity. From seconds, to minutes, hours, days, months and years, my love for her continues on, growing even stronger as each moment passes on. As numbers are infinite, my love for her is immeasureable. From the moment I met her until my lifetimes of forever. HAPPY UNNIVERSARY, NUTBROWN!! Ti amo, stellina mia!

Cheers!!

joyous =0)

SANDS OF TIME

2010-02-19T21:29:00.000-08:00

SANDS OF TIME

Like grains of sand I built my castle around her
A castle where the Kings and Queens lived happily after

Like grains of sand I saw our footprints as we walk together hand in hand
Footprints that reminded us where we’ve been and where we want to go

Like grains of sand she harboured a magical sand dollar
A magical sand dollar so rare that I kept each one I had since I was younger

Like grains of sand the beach will never be complete without it
The beach where the water can flow to rush and be calm

Like grains of sand a haven is created for horses to go and run free
Horses with spirits as high as every man’s hopes should be

Like grains of sand the waves have taken her away from me
Waves that hit me from behind and was gone when I looked back to see

Like grains of sand she slipped through my fingers as I held her tight
She held my dreams as we waited for them to come true

Like grains of sand the wind carries her through each breeze
The wind that brings her back to me as she comes alive, so it seems

Like grains of sand I watched time pass me by as each one drops to the bottom of the hourglass
Time that I can never get back, time that I had with her before I saw her breathe her last

Like grains of sand my love for her can never be measured
My love that I will always remember
My love who will have my heart... a day longer than forever

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

SENSES OF HER

2010-02-19T21:22:00.000-08:00

SENSES OF HER

I close my eyes and I start to see her from the light
Her shadow moves closer to me by the inch
Her silhouette more apparent, more defined
I’m a step away from her, reaching out for her to take my hand... until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to hear her from the silence
Her voice echoes in my head
Her words slipped through her lips
I’m a whisper away from telling her to stay and never leave...until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to smell her fragrance
Her scent lingers in the air I breathe
Her memories never leave my side
I’m a breath away from possessing her aroma... until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to feel her gentle touch
Her fingers running though my hair
Her caress so distinct, I feel it on my skin
I’m feeling her heartbeat as I hold her in my deep embrace...until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to taste her sweetest kiss
Her lips so soft like a feather blown by the wind
Her breath so warm it keeps me safe from the cold
I’m leaning in for one last kiss before she leaves... until I awake

I close my eyes and I start to wipe my tears away
My affection for her I can no longer contain
My solitude from a love that was lost to fate
She never freed my heart from her love
Not once for every day and every night I stayed awake.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

IN A PERFECT WORLD

2010-02-19T21:15:00.000-08:00

IN A PERFECT WORLD
What She Should Know

She came to me like the midnight wind. No anticipation, no hesitation.
She came like she was someone from an unknown past
As if she was someone I had known all my life
And yet a certain mystery is still unraveled

She came to me like a dream. A place I cant get to while I'm wide awake
She came like she was someone I have imagined
As if she was someone I've always wanted
And yet no matter how I try, I know I can only have her in my sweet slumber

She came to me like the moon. Her light shined through my dark night
She came like she was the only one I can see
As if no one else in my world existed
And yet I was just a star in her sky she hardly recognized

She came to me like a rainbow. With a pot of gold at its end I had wished for
She came like she was someone who's gone through the rain
As if she will never see the sunlight again
And yet as I saw the colors brightly, she only saw black and white

She came to me like the sun. She was the beginning and the end of my day
She came like a promise of every tomorrow
As if she was the hope that my heart was waiting for
And yet into the horizon she slowly vanished right before my eyes

She came to me like little Cupid. With his arrow piercing through my heart
She came like she was a myth of love and beauty
As if she was all I will ever need in my life
And yet like any other story, my fairytale ended

She came to me like an angel. So heavenly. So divine
She came like she was sent from above just for me
As if she was there to lead me to my destiny
And yet fate took its turn and brought me back to reality

Will she ever come to me again?
Will she come and stay with me for a while?
As if we could have all the time in the world together
And yet in the end all I'll ever have with me are memories of her

Maybe I'll see her again
Maybe in my dreams again
Maybe one day, in a perfect world
Maybe someday, in another lifetime, with her again

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

iWrite

2009-06-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

iWrite

Yesterday, I got to chat with someone who has been a part of my life. In a very brief chat conversation, he asked me if I was writing a book. At first, my understanding of his question was that of his statement about him writing a book. When I asked him what the book is about, he said he meant to direct the question to me. Right away, I told him that I’m not writing a book and asked him why he thought I was. Shortly after my question, he said he had to go so unfortunately; we were not able to continue our chat.

After that, I had a lingering thought in mind. I thought to myself: “What if at some point of my life, I am able and get to write my own book?”. I have to admit I’ve dabbled into this idea quite a few times and I’m pretty sure that’s just the beginning. I know I’ll always wonder about it, if I never end up actually doing it. I know though I’m not a natural born writer. I remember struggling through my creative writing class back in grade school and barely passing. I don’t remember having the passion to write back then. Plus the class, being a creative writing class, I don’t think my creativity and imagination had been as elaborate and well developed as it is now. Back then, having to write something was considered merely a task that had to be completed for compliance’s sake. And up to now, writing for me just comes in urges. There are days when I get an unbearable urge to write about something I feel strongly about that it leaves me restless until I see something tangible that I can reference and revert my thoughts to. I guess today is just one of those days.

In some occasions, I think it’s a way for me to remind myself and help me remember some thoughts too important at that time to let it just breeze through me and let it slide off my back. Sometimes, I get a surge of thoughts. Whenever this happens, as much as possible, I try to pick out the good thoughts from it and try to put it in my “reservoir of good thoughts” to save for days when I need it the most. Unfortunately, as much as I’d want it to, my memory could fail me, which is why I think I find it necessary to have a certain type of “documentation” to make sure that the good thoughts don’t escape me. If I were to draw a picture of how it’s like, it would look very much like a single line monitor with captions moving across it from right to left. Pretty much like the monitors/signage that we have on highways, airports, and news channels, where the moving captions are my series of thoughts. There are even days when it may seem like a teleprompter instead of a single lined monitor.

I also feel as though writing for me is a transcription of my conversations with myself. When I try to talk myself through certain dilemmas, situations or even just getting a reaction and/or opinion from myself on different things. Of course, when I say conversations with myself, this also involves debating and possibly even contradicting myself, which by the way I think is perfectly fine. Whenever I catch myself having an “intrapersonal debate”, I think of it as my purging stage. I think in this stage, I come to a realization (or at least that’s what the intention is) on what is important and substantial to me on whatever the subject matter may be. I think through this, it helps me put things into perspective. And with each of these “conversations” I try to keep an open mind and keep the scrolls of thoughts coming.

Sometimes my writing is driven by intense inspiration. I don’t always know where the inspiration comes from but I think that sometimes the source of inspiration is a mix of different influences, experiences and realizations. Different things affect different people in different ways. Sometimes, what inspires us greatly are the simplest things and may be miniscule in scale for others. On the other hand, there are things that we take for granted and hardly pay attention to that would immensely be striking to others, which would then serve as a catalyst to what would inspire them. Either way, however big or small, inspiration affects us from within. And when something affects us enough, it brings out something that’s just waiting for a breakthrough. In my case, this comes out in a form of writing.

In a world where talking to one’s self is only acceptable for the clinically insane, I think writing things down is the next best thing… but that’s not to say I go along with the norm…I admit that I also have days when the urges are not limited to writing and the next best thing is just not enough and there is a need to speak…or talk…to myself!!

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Magic Touch

2009-05-10T07:12:00.000-07:00

Magic Touch

With only less than 5 hours of sleep, I came in my office today still excited because the rain that has been pouring for days has finally stopped. The sun was up but it wasn’t too hot or humid. It could almost be the perfect summer weather. I came in about 15 minutes early because although I knew that there wouldn’t be much to do during the first few hours of my work shift, I wanted to allot time checking my personal emails. A typical start of the day in the office routine for me would be coming in, setting up my system – meaning start up my computer, run my programs, open my documents and log on to the websites I would need for work.

I’ve had previous experiences wherein I would go to my desk and find out that someone has attempted to turn off my monitors (since I’m using dual monitors) to conserve energy instead of leaving them on standby, which is common practice for me. I’ve been using these monitors for about 10 months now and since I’m not a very technical person, I don’t navigate the functions and features, afraid that I might mess up the configuration and I’d end up with an even bigger problem. Each time, I find my monitors turned off, I try to work on the cables that connect the monitors to the power supply and my CPU. Usually, as I toggle on the cables, I find a way to fix the problem and restore the power on my monitors.

Today was a bit different from those days. As I got to my desk, I saw that the blue power light on one of my monitors wasn’t blinking and worse, it was not lighted at all. This could only mean one thing… Again, someone from the energy conservation team of the company has audited our floor and saw that my monitors were on standby and turned them off. I knew that it was going to be a struggle toggling again with the cables. Slowly, my mood started to change, and I was officially PMSing. I can be a little territorial sometimes, and today was one of those days when I did not appreciate anyone touching any of the stuff on my desk. I didn’t have the time to say hello to the other people seated near my desk as I was already busy plugging and unplugging the cables. Not only did I have to remember which cable goes with which, I also have to remember, which plug goes where. Again, for a non-technical person, this was a challenge. One of my team mates, came up to me and offered me chocolates but I refused it right away because I couldn’t get my mind off my monitors. One of my monitors was working fine, but the problem was that it was the secondary monitor (which means its not the primary where it lets me log into my system). The main purpose of the secondary monitor is to extend the primary monitor so I can just drag and expand the coverage. That way, I can open multiple documents or programs without having to minimize them. It pretty much stretches the primary monitor.

After about half an hour of toggling and unplugging, I decided to use the other computers to file a ticket to IT Department to help me out since I cant figure it out anymore. As much as possible, I try to extract everything first before I escalate my issue to other departments. After successfully filing the ticket and requesting for an IT dispatch, I called, the hotline to make sure that this issue is addressed with urgency. I waited for the IT personnel to come but after waiting for about an hour, I tried my luck again and started working the cables and plugs hoping this time, what I’ve been doing before to fix the problem will work again… and that I will finally have the magic touch and my monitors will magically turn on again.

Good thing, after almost an hour of fixing it, I finally got both monitors to turn on. I tried to close the ticket I had to let IT know that I was already able to fix the problem and that they will no longer need to dispatch anyone to help me. While I was updating the ticket, I received an error that said that they could not close the issue since it did not have a root cause yet. So about 3 hours before my shift ends, an IT personnel came to my desk and ask what the problem was. I explained to him in a “semi-panic/semi-frustrated” tone that someone has turned off my monitors and I couldn’t turn it on earlier because the monitors did not have a power button (at least that’s what I have led myself to believe). I actually thought that the main power of the monitors were in the cables and as long as its connected to the CPU and the main plug, it will automatically turn on. The I told him that somehow, I was already able to fix it although I don’t know exactly how or what I did to fix it. He said he’ll try to look at the monitors and check the power button. Then I told him: “oh, but there’s no power button no this” then he said, there should be a power button and the adjusted the angle of the main monitor so he can have a better look. As soon as he adjusted slightly to left, the power button went off again… then I explaimed…”Seee!!! That’s what happened… it wouldn’t turn on again, I don’t know why it does that!” then he looked at me and just smiled. I looked back at him, and I was getting ready to be annoyed because I wasn’t sure what he was smiling about when I was obviously starting to get frustrated again. He stepped closed said.. “Look, I’ll show you…” I was shifting my eyes from looking at him, his hands, and the blue power light at the bottom of my monitor. He tapped the bottom of my monitor several times and each time he tapped it, the blue power light would turn on! And before I could even say anything he was smiling and slowly said…. “Touch screen yung monitor mo…there’s no power button because it has a sensor and you just tap it to turn it on and off”. At that moment, I felt like I wanted to magically disappear and vanish in front of him because of embarrassment. I cannot believe that this whole time, for nearly a year of using my monitor, I never figured out that it was a touch screen monitor and that each and everytime I got it fixed, it was because my fingers will be at the spot where it hits the sensors for the power. I cannot remember ever feeling so embarrassed over something so simple. But the good thing was that he was nice and he told me that it took them a while too before they figured out that it was a touch screen. I apologized for the hassle and said that he will be updating the ticket that I filed. So I asked him how he will update the ticket and what he was going to write on it. I even said.. will you say “Issue resolved… EU did not know that the monitors were touch screen???” then he just smiled and said, he’ll take care of it.

Lesson for today: All monitors will always have some kind of a power switch. If and when in doubt, check user’s manual!!!! It saves you the embarrassment.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Just One

2009-05-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

Just One

Just recently, I had a few very interesting conversations with my close friends. After going out to dinner, we went to another friend’s house to hang out and just spend time together. My friend talk to us about her wedding plans as she and her future husband have chosen the date. We reminisced on their relationship. How it came about, how it progressed and where they are now. I found it very fascinating how fate just brings people together and how having the right person turn you into the perfect person for them. I’ve always believed that somewhere in this world, there is someone meant just for us. And we may not be all that perfect but in time, we are molded to be the person that would be perfect for the other. I understand that there is no such thing as the perfect person, but I believe that we can be the best person for another. How this all happens, is a completely different topic, which I plan to tackle next time.

In one of the conversations we had, we talked about what we want in a relationship. We all had our ideal relationships and we backtracked on previous relationships that we had. One of my friends talked about how much importance she puts on having her parents’ and family’s blessings on the relationship. I share the same value as her because I think everything eventually falls into place once the people we care the most about supports the relationship that we are in. Should problems, conflicts, and dilemmas come into play, we are sure that when we seek our family’s help, they are sure to give the advice that would be for our best interest. Then my other friend talked about the simplicity of her relationship and how it both works for her and her boyfriend. I think they are a very lucky couple because these days, relationships get more and more complicated as more factors starts to come in. I am very happy that they both manage to keep the relationship simple and real. I think this is something that more couples should strive for. I believe that the simpler the relationship is, the easier it is to manage. This is very easy to say but probably the hardest to do because I think that keeping a relationship simple needs a lot of trust, faith, honestly, respect and hope that everything will be going to be what we want it to be. My friend said that her boyfriend told her that he just wanted to be someone’s favorite person in the world. I was so moved upon hearing this, because just by that, it completely made sense… it all came together… I think that was partly how their relationship was kept simple… and yet, it meant so much!

After that night, I started to wonder and ask myself: What do I want for and from a relationship? How would I know if the person I will fall in love with is the person I want to be in a relationship with? How would I know if I’m ready for a relationship?

I think being someone’s favorite is a good start. I mean, you’d want the person you’ll be in a relationship with to think the world of you. Then I had this thought… just recently, one of my friends told me that I was the best thing that happened to her. It was very flattering to hear this. Not only because it feeds just about every aspect of someone’s ego but at the same time, it makes me believe that I’m doing someone good and something right. To have that effect on someone is very rewarding and fulfilling. I think just to be able to have an impact on someone’s life is already good… all the more if you’re the best that can happen to someone. Then I thought to myself, if it were someone else and not my friend who told me that, was that enough to make me want to be in a relationship with that person. After putting in more thoughts into it, I realized… probably not. Being the best thing to happen in someone’s life is good, but if I’m looking for a relationship that would work for me, I don’t think it would be with a person as such. The reason being with that kind of relationship, much is expected. When you become that person to another, I feel like you will constantly have to out do yourself.. because being the best is relative. One is only the best until they become second best. I think this is true not just in relationships but life in general. We see this a lot in sporting events, on people’s careers, award giving bodies, businesses, art, in practically everything around us. So I thought, for the other person, of course it is only logical for them to want to be in a relationship with someone who’s the best for them, but for the person itself, it might be difficult because of the level of expectation that has already been set even before the relationship has started. I believe that every disappointment is inversely proportional to the expectation.

Then another thought came into mind…. I thought, would I want to be in a relationship with the person who would do just about anything and everything for me. I heard a song from a boy band who talks about how they would do anything and everything for the person they love. At the initial thought, I was thinking, being with a person like that will be really good because I think it is a guarantee that they will at least try to meet all your expectations. But thinking about it more made me realize that although the perks one will be getting from this kind of relationship will be exemplary, I’m not quite sure where the relationship will be heading a few years down the road. I think with this kind of relationship, there wont be a balance and it wouldn’t look like a give and take relationship. And looks to me that it is a set up leaning towards a parasitic relationship rather than mutualism. With that thought in mind, I realized that I definitely would not want that kind of relationship, whether or not I am on a receiving end. Simply because I believe that with everything and everyone, there is a limit. No one can continue to be the giver in a relationship if you are going for “forever”. Even Aladdin was limited to only 3 wishes from the Genie.

Finally, I realized maybe I’m not ready for a relationship yet because I don’t know what I want. This, I think is very probable. I think some people make the mistake of jumping from one relationship to another just for the sake of being in a relationship. I know quite a few people who feel incomplete if they are not in a relationship with someone. It’s as if their happiness and contentment relies on the happiness and satisfaction they can give their artner and vice versa. I’ve always been very comfortable not being in a relationship, not only out of default but because I think highly of relationships and I think that our love life at present is exactly what we need at least for the time being. I see relationships as emotional investments, when the risks are high, we never gamble unless we are ready for a lost. But when we see an opportunity, we can go all in if we are aiming for a high profit. Then with this thought, I had a “somewhat Eureka!” moment. Instantly, I figured out what I wanted for my next relationship…. Or should I say my hypothetical relationship (at least for now). I think having this in mind, I would like to be with someone whom I can beat the odds with. I want someone whom I can feel the sunshine with when it rains. I want someone who will make me feel like its Christmas on Lent. Someone who will still want to go over the rainbow with me even if we both know that there wont be a pot of gold at the end of it. Someone who keeps me warm in the winter and will be the cool wind in the summer. Someone who will hand me my sneakers and tell me it’s alright when my feet start to hurt from wearing stiletto heels. Someone who wouldn’t mind lighting a single candle in the dark instead of the chandelier. And when I give that person a thousand reasons why I think our relationship couldn’t and wouldn’t work, that person would give me just one reason why they think it would. And with that one reason, all my thousand reasons will fade away and I will realize that all I need is one to make everything work out, and with fate on our side, it will!!! Just One reason… with no doubts, no questions, no hesitations.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

Art versus Life

2009-04-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

Art versus Life

The Question: Does art imitate life or is it life that imitates art?

There’s actually a lot of different ways to look and approach this question. Also, several factors come into play such as: How much appreciation on art do we have in our lives? How much role does art play in our lives? How much do we involve ourselves with art? What is our view on art? How do we view our lives? Is art important to us? Do we give importance to our life? I’m sure there’s a lot more factors or questions, where our answers may lead us to knowing which way it really is. I think it’s very interesting how questions can somehow just lead us to understanding the matter then eventually to the answer… or at the opinion or theory that we choose to accept. From a personal perspective I think it’s both. I think both correlates to each other in similar yet diverse ways. Certain instances in our lives may mirror art and some work of art would hit home because of how it reflects parts of our lives.

Back in college, I took a Sociology class, which I really enjoyed. Our professor was not only very attractive but she was really smart and witty as well, she was a former Revlon Model and Flight Attendant of American Airlines, and a self confessed trophy wife; but aside from this she has a Master’s Degree to back up her very impressive credentials. She is also very approachable and was very articulate, thus, making the class something to look forward to. Her approach was to have a brief lecture on a specific subject matter then from there have a class discussion. She encouraged everyone in the class to speak their mind and would post questions that would trigger our thoughts. One of my favorite topics that we discussed was the topic on co-relation. We had a text book where it explained how our behavior is affected by this concept. The text book thoroughly explained this through citing statistical, methodological, experimental, and case studies. But the gist of this concept (at least based on my understanding) is that with a lot of things around us, we always find a correlation to us, our lives or our surroundings. With this in mind, we automatically link either instances, events, people, maybe even practically anything then directly apply it to us in which ever aspect in may closely or remotely relate to. Some people may view it as coincidence, some may view it as fate, but either way this concept works in such a way that it makes us think that things that are happening around us, really do have something to do with us on a personal level.

Some people in our class didn’t really accept this concept without raising their points of arguments. And since we had an awesome professor, she knew it was coming… and she was prepared for it. On the second day of discussion, we had a class activity to prove the point of this concept. Our profession randomly called on people in our class and she asked for our zodiac signs and after giving her this information, she read out the person’s horoscope from the fashion magazine that she brought with her in class After reading the horoscope, she asked the students individually if the horoscope for the day/week made any sense at all or if it was somehow accurate. Majority of the students described how the horoscope was very much related to their current situation and how they felt that it was tailor fit to them. The sited instances as to why they think it applies to them. The ones who did not agree with the horoscope were the people who did not believe in it at all and rejected the idea of having horoscopes read to them. After the activity, we had a class discussion going back to the concept of correlation. As more and more people argued about this concept, our professor found the perfect timing and revealed that the horoscope that was read out for each person was actually chosen by random… and none of which was the actual horoscope based on their zodiac sign….

The idea of the activity was for us to think that by giving our zodiac sign, she will read the horoscope for that particular sign. And after reading it, the students would be prompted to think of instances in their own lives reflecting what she had read out. Of course, as I have mentioned, our professor was very smart…and once again she has just proven her point! Since the students agreed with the pseudo horoscope and had very strong arguments as to how it relates to them, it was crystal clear that the concept of correlation indeed exists. Most of us were shocked as to how it applies to us. And it was evident that some students were very eager to even retract what they had said during the activity to prove their argument… but then unfortunately, our professor out smarted them and it was evident that arguing about it will already lead to self inflicted humiliation.

Fast forward 6 years later, several situations in my life occurred which lead me to wonder and really ponder about the correlation of art and life. I was so fond of watching a TV series, The L Word, and one of the showed such high regard on the role of art in one’s life. I’m sure most of us, if not all, at one point or another have gotten ourselves in situations where we find comfort in listening to songs, watching movies or reading a book to divert our attention and entertain ourselves… only to find out that we are tortured even more because of the resemblance we see in this form of art to our own lives.

A lot of times, this happens to me with songs. There are some songs that I listen to that really hits home. Sometimes, the lyrics of the songs become too familiar that it almost gives me a string of images of certain situations of my life that it seems as if they are reflections. I get a feeling as if the song was made especially made for me and that I am hearing the exact words that I need or want to hear. I get a feeling as though the singer was meant to play the role of being the narrator of my life…. the catalyst between my life and art.

If find this fascinating and at the same time repulsive. Fascinating, in a way that it is very interesting to see your life being seen through someone else’s eyes. Repulsing, because it is almost allowing someone unfamiliar penetrate your inner most thoughts and feelings. With these songs, it feels as if you are allowing someone to tell the world exactly how we feel and expose our vulnerability knowing that it breaks down all our walls and defenses as it masquerade as art.

On the other hand, it could be the reverse. Some people can live the life hiding behind the shadows of art. It can be very easy and comforting to always have something to justify any actions or decisions we make. How many songs, movies, or stories have we heard of that we base our life based on our desired conclusion. Some forms of art become too familiar to us that it becomes our source of comfort and hiding place. Some people believe in the power of art too much that they forget the power and importance of choosing and living the life we want to live. In one way or another, everything in this world interconnected and linked to one another. We may not be able to see it and figure it out within our lifetime, but each and everyone’s individual experience is of value to another. We can never claim and assume that someone else’s life is an exact replica of someone else’s. People have tried and some will continue to live their life as if it is living the art they find most comfort with, but with this the question is… who’s life are they living… or maybe the better question is: Are they living their life? I believe that life is what we make out of it. There are forces of nature, there are remote and uncontrolled circumstances. There is fate. There is destiny. But in our lifetime, there are countless decisions and choices made. And with these, we form the mold where we make our own lives fit.

The Answer: I think its both. Art can serve as a mirror of one’s life, the same way that one can live their life such that it becomes one's individual work of art.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

The Yips

2009-04-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

The Yips
Ach du meine Güte, gar nichts klappt mehr, so'ne Scheiße

*********************************************
Heidi Klum: (about Barney) Is he okay?
Ted: Ah, he has the yips. Hasn't been able to hit on a woman all night.
Heidi Klum: He has the yips? Ooh, that's bad. You know, in Germany we call this "Ach du meine Güte, gar nichts klappt mehr, so'ne Scheiße" ["Oh my goodness, nothing's working anymore, oh crap"]. Wow, that is bad
*********************************************

I found this very interesting. I just saw this episode of How I met Your Mother and it was hilarious. But of course, being one who tries to look at the deeper side of everything, I started to analyze this episode and tried to see if it has any relation to me. After a few minutes of pondering and linking scenarios from the show to my life; true enough it has a connection. But unfortunately, its not as hilarious as the show… quite the opposite actually. Here's a part of the synopsis given by one of the viewers of the show:

Barney's confidence with his dealings with women takes a dive after finding out the awesomeness of his 'first time' was a sham, and he gets 'The Yips'.

How I Met Your Mother Meets My Life:

Just recently, I had to deal with an emotional downfall where it involved a really close friend. It’s a relatively long story how point A moves to point B and how we ended up on point Z. But to keep it short, here are a few of the premises: Boundaries were known, limitations were given and the rules were set all in hope for clarity and simplicity on the friendship. Typically, I know, friends don’t need this. But since dynamics of friendship may vary I can guarantee this is one of the exceptions. Simply because there was an undeniable connection with someone I hardly knew. Given the known fact that sometimes, it takes a lifetime to completely know someone, this was different because several other factors are involved such as time, distance, cultural, personality and other differences come in to play. Having the person and the circumstances qualify as an exception, I really wanted things to be as simple and clear as possible, which I thought I was doing. We had numerous conversations practically about everything under the sun. Some conversations were deeper than the others, some didn’t have sense at all which made it special because its very interesting how 2 adults can have a conversation about nonsense and yet make perfect sense out of it just because of the whole experience of it. Some we had to struggle to get through the conversation – there are things that are more difficult to talk about than the others, but we carried though. Or at least I thought we did.

I can honestly say that I enjoyed all my conversations with my friend. And some of those conversations were the ones that meant the most to me than the entertainment value of the recreational activities that we did or even the places we went to. Some of the things that I remember most about my friend were just about the ones where we would sit somewhere and just talk. Having this in mind, I was sure that we were on the same page. I could have sworn to anyone we were exactly at the same wavelength. Everything else that transpired between us came from the assurance that we get each other. I think there were certain things that I was comfortable enough to say or do because of this assurance. That without it, I probably wouldn’t have done due to the risk of misinterpretation. Repeatedly, I was assured that all was good and that there was nothing to worry about. That we both get it. We are on the same page. No questions. No confusion. Complete clarity.

Until another conversation came…the one conversation that changed everything. The one thing I was afraid that would happen. The sole purpose as to why I wanted the clarity. As my friend uttered the words of doubt and confusion, one by one, the moments we spent together flashed before my eyes as if I am watching it in the movies... only this time, it was in slow motion and dream-like… the images came in very hazy as if they were covered by clouds. As the last word of the string of speech was said, it was clear to me. There was never clarity. Absolute confusion. Nothing but doubts. Not only are we not on the same page, we were reading completely different books. And worse, my friend never got it. After all the explanations in our conversations… none of the words I’ve said made a difference. It felt then like the whole time we were together, we both spoke 2 different and incomprehensible languages to each other.

I wanted the images to come back and help me figure out where it went wrong. I tried to play it over in my head so many times, but still, none of those pointed out to the answer. Now, I’m left with a question that I’m not sure could offer comfort after what happened. The hurt is a given… but what caused it?….I had questions in my head, some of those were, what hurts more: The fact that I have been deceived and led into believing that all is good when truly it wasn’t? or the fact that my friend didn’t trust me enough with the truth from the very beginning? Should I get upset about being lied to or do I get upset because I had to earn my friend’s trust when I’ve been honest all along?

I start to wonder, what those moments spent with my friend are now about. I’d hate to think they were merely lies but how could anyone bring back the meaning that it had when one discovers the high probability of everything, now being null and void. That everything that has been spoken were nothing but that of empty words. How do I ignore the questions I have now? How can I not question the sincerity and authenticity of everything after all this? How do I now get rid of all the doubts about my friend that are coming up from time to time? How can I trust my friend again?

Another thing that added insult to the injury was the thought that my friend had me at my best. At the time that I was able to spend time with my friend, I was at my most stable condition in terms of physical, emotional and psychological. It was a little after Christmas then so I had a lot of time to rest, spend a lot of family time and I did a lot of reflecting over the holidays. With that, I was able to resolve any hang ups I may have had from the previous year (although I must say 2008 has been a really good year for me!). To sum up my general state that time, I was at peace with myself and with the universe. And because of this, it got me thinking… if my friend had me at my best and still chose to hurt me through the most indirect and remote form of betrayal, what guarantee do I have that my friend would not tear me apart when I’m at my worst. With friends, there is an unspoken understanding and pact of “sticking together through thick and thin”…. How can I hold on to that when I have already been abandoned at a time where there was abundance of everything that was necessary. Maybe a better metaphor is: That I have already been thrown off the boat and left at sea even before there was any sign of it sinking... just to make sure that i'm one less person on board, it case the boat pulls a Titanic on them.

I have to admit I mourned over this. I felt as if something very dear to me had died. The meaningful and lasting friendship I have hoped for with this person somewhat vanished. Although I don’t think the friendship ends there, neither do I think it will ever go back to how it was. Those brief special moments we’ve had, I don’t think we’ll ever get back. That as much as I would try, no matter what I do… I got "The Yips" on our friendship. That nothing will ever work the same way it did. And I know it’s only a matter of time before my friend would also realize and tell me: “Ach du meine Güte, gar nichts klappt mehr, so'ne Scheiße” … and when that time comes, I know I would agree. Sadly, that would be the only time my friend and I would have conclusive clarity.

Cheers -- to the good times!!

~joyous =0)

Gates Of Heaven

2009-04-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

Gates of Heaven

Have you ever caught yourself wondering what happens in the after life? What happens to the soul? would we still have our proverbial heart? would we have feelings and emotions? are we going to recognize the people we see there?

From time to time, I catch myself pondeering about these things. I think it's very interesting how we sometimes have our curiosity linger around these things. I think it proves that the mind can really take us to the great unknown.

Although there have been countless movies about the after life, theres actually a lot that describe it similarly. There have also been numerous books about it. Some are similar while some describes it completely different from the rest. A lot of the authors would have people who's had NDE (near death experience) where they may or may not have already been clinically dead but did not continue into the "white light" and cross over. One of my favorite movies that depicts this is called "Defending Your Life". This movie attempts to give the audience a glipse of what really happens to us after passing. I think its very interesting and intriguing how the movie presents the idea of the after life. If at any point you find a burning desire to satistfy your curiosity on the after life, i would highly recommend watching this movie for a little enlightenment or maybe even just get some ideas about it for the sake of arguement.

Heaven has been described in so many ways but one common description of it that I've heard is that its the most beautiful place anyone will ever see and where is complete happiness exist.
When I think about the after life and the ones I love who has gone ahead of us, I cant help but think that it's a place to look forward to. Maybe our life here on earth is truly just a preparation for us to experience eternal life and happiness. We experience pain, sorrow and hardship here because when our time has come to go to the after life, we can truly say that we are in heaven.
I have been raised by my family to never fear death. In fact, just recently, I realized that maybe going to the other life is actually something very exciting. Of course, we cannot discount the fact that we will be leaving the other people we love behind and that we will miss them. Any way you look at it, any break from a routine, something, or someone we're used to being with all our lives is will always have an emotional impact to us. But if our faith is strong, and we believe that there is indeed a better life after we have lived our life on Earth, I think passing on is not such a bad idea after all. Not to say that i will make an effort to expedite my way to get there, but it just strengthens my belief that we should really live our life here to the fullest. Say everything we mean to say. Do everything we live to do. Live life without regret or hesitation. Look as if we're seeing things for the first and last time. Allow ourselves to feel every emotion that tries to penetrate our hearts-- no matter how hard and painful it may be. Because in the end, it will all be worth it.

When we see the Gates of Heaven, the finality of our life here on earth and the beggining of eternal life collides... and thats something I know I want to look forward to and be absolutely be ready for.

Cheers!!

~ joyous =0)

One Hand Friends

2009-04-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

One Hand Friends

I want to start this off with a disclaimer… NO, this blog does not have anything to do with disabled friends or dismembered people. At least not for now… although I’m thinking maybe I should write about that too, but I’m saving that topic for later. As I go along, I hope I give anyone who’s reading this a better understanding for the title.... At least that’s the plan.

Recently, I was having lunch with my family at a restaurant. It was the day before my brother would start working. While eating my mom sat across me and my brother was sitting next to me. As usual, I’m the one who keeps talking to the extent that almost everyone is already done eating and I don’t think I’m even half way through. I asked my brother what his expectations and anticipations are. I explained to him that being in a work environment is completely different from being in school. Even the culture will be different, whether or not he has spent time with the people he’ll be working with during his practicum. I told him that the mind set of people who are working are very different from people who study or go on an internship. I gave him some advise in dealing with people from work, whether it be his superiors, coworkers, maintenance, or guards. I told him that he needs to make sure that he treats everybody well because those are the people he will be seeing day in and day out. Then we got into the topic where we started talking about friends at work. My mom jumped in the conversation right away which prompted me to ask her about her friends. My mom has always told me that she’s not one who has an overwhelming number of friends, but the friends that she has are the ones that are very dear to her and are very special people. She’s not the type who has friends from different groups of phases in her life. A lot, if not all of her friends now are the same people we’ve known since we were kids. There would be a few additions from time to time but her friends that we’ve known are the ones who’s been there every since.

I admire her relationship with her friends because I can see how much value they put into it. Seeing my mom with her friends also proved that you cant see value in numbers instead by the quality. Whenever I see my mom with her friends, I see bliss… and it’s almost like watching her experience her youth all over again. Of course, they don’t run around and play tag – nothing like that at all (because that’s something I would do!) but the enjoyment of each other’s company is very evident. Remembering those led to me ask my mom: “When you were younger, did you always know that your friends at that time would be the same friends you’ll have at your age now?”. My mom paused for a while and thought about it the answered “No, when we were younger, we didn’t know what was going to happen to us in the future. We didn’t know where we’ll be and how out lives are going to be like. But we knew we really liked each other’s company”. And her answer was very typical of her. She’s not a person who puts up with people and things she doesn’t really like. She’s not the type who would waste her time on anyone or anything. And I think that’s also a trait I got from her. Then she elaborated a little bit more on her answers. She told me that when she was a lot younger, she knew the kind of friends she wanted to have and she didn’t mind if she didn’t have as much friends as other people. She said that the few that she had were enough, more than enough actually. Because they treated each other like family and they really knew each other very well. Their love for each other was unconditional. Her family knew and loved her friends and vice versa. She and her friends looked out for each others like siblings would. They didn’t agree on every single thing, but the relationship they had were the kind where they can agree to disagree and respect each others opinions without dispute.

I told my mom that the friends I have now, are the ones that have I have been friends with since grade school/high school. These are also the same people who I pretty much grew up with and have been by my side through the highs and lows of my life. They are the same people who listened to me complain over the littlest things and also rave about the most amazing times of my life. Same people who I was with in school when we decided to carve our names on a mango tree from school with a promise that we would be friends forever. I told my mom that back then, I knew that they were going to be the friends that I will have and I will keep. I said that up until now, no matter how many new people and new friends come along, there’s something very distinct and special about them and that the bond is irreplaceable. She was very happy upon hearing it. She told me that I was very lucky that at such a young age, I was already able to recognize the quality of friendship I wanted. I said that these are the friends that our children (if/when I decide to have any) will get to know as “mom’s friends”, now that one by one, they are starting to get married. We get together from time to time, with every chance we get and truly, the feeling that I get with them is comparable to coming home. There’s always a warm feeling and the feeling that we’re safe with each other. It’s also amazing how after each get together, we text each other just to say “thank you” for a wonderful day/night, and it comes very natural to us. Something that isn’t forced or planned. Something second nature and comfortable.

I’ve always heard of the saying that true friends are hind to find, and that you can count those kinds of friends with your fingers. Well, I have 2 hands with 5 fingers on each hand and right now I know I have five friends I can call my true friends. I love my friends and although we don’t tell each other that, it is something communicated in a non verbal way. Something that does not need to be said and yet it’s understood. With that being said… unless I start growing more fingers on either or both hands, I know that the friends that I have now are more enough for the remaining of my lifetime. And hopefully, when my kids and I visit the mango tree that we carved our names on, the names that they will see there could be replaced with our childrens names but with the same promise of friendship that I had with my friends.

Arlene: Grade 4
Mars: Grade 6
Che/Almay: Grade 7
Ivy : 2nd Yr HS

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

What I Learned Yesterday: The Sequel

2009-04-04T03:42:00.000-07:00

What I Learned Yesterday: The Sequel

On Medical Science:

a. Drug over dose can lead to fatal results. But if you live through this, it causes serious embarassment to carry through your entire lifetime.

b. Just because you don't feel the effects of prescription drugs doesn't mean it doesnt have one. Directions on the dosage is written on the prescription... it is not for the pharmacists, it is for the patient to read and follow.

c. Albinos exist in this world, and so do Caucassians. For your own safety, and to save yourself from humiliation... never assume that one is the other. Learn to disguish albinos from actual caucassians and vice versa.

d. Epilepsy and Seizures are serious conditions. Both have attacks that can strike anytime and anywhere. It is not madatory to know a lot about this condition, but at least... at the very least... learn to distinguish people who are having and epileptic or seizure attacks from great actors impersonating a bacon being fried in a pan! There is a big difference!!! And you should be able to get a clue at some point.

e. ICU needs to be taken seriously.. and so do ICU patients. Although we've heard of the saying "laughter is the best medicine", this is one of the exceptions where it is not applicable. Any successful attemp of making an ICU patient laugh can be very fatal and yes... you can actually be banned from the ICU. And no flirting with hot nurses can reverse it. This is another exception where "It's the thought that counts" is not applicable... because in the ICU, all that counts is keeping the patients alive and breathing.

On Speech Therapy:

a. Talking to one's self is for the clinically insane, and this goes for all cultures. It is best to check if there are people around that you can converse with if you decide to have an actual conversation with a person other than yourself.

b. Arguements are unavoidable... by all means, if you want to argue, make sure you pick the right person to argue with. There is never a point in trying to have a verbal argument with the deaf and mute.

c. The deaf and mute are just like ordinary people. The only difference is the fact that they are physically handicapped. They are capable of getting on public transport. Just because you don't hear them even if they're lips are moving doesnt mean you have dropped into a warp zone and the world has gone silent or you've gone crazy. Not everything is about you. Your hint: They use sign language. As long as you see them signing, it is safe to assume that they are conversing with each other and you are not in the Twilight Zone.

On Aviation: Airport security can be rigid. Underwire bras can set off the metal detectors. Avoid wearing one when travelling at all times unless you are plannig to be physically intimate with airport security.

On Consumer Education: When ordering a value meal in the stalls of Edsa Central... straight meal refers to: A meal having just one viand and rice instead of 2 viands and rice. It is common for stall vendors to ask and say: "straight??". Never assume that they are asking about your sexual orientation.

On Virtues and Vices: Virtues always supercedes violations. When you are guilty of any violation and cannot talk your way out of it, admit to the fault and make a back handed comment of "Honesty is the best policy"

On The Theory of Cause and Effect: All unfortunate effects are results of a root cause. The challenge is finding the most convicing and logical cause. When asked to submit a homework by a teacher who collects the homework at the beginning of class, it is never a good idea to give the excuse that you were late... it only leads to the root cause that your homeworks are exact replicas of someone else's.

On The After Life: It is customary and a tradition for Filipinos to put the immediate family members' names of the deceased on ribbons and pin it on the cloth of the casket's lining. It is definitely NOT an Adult/Cutural version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey". Some people actually think its a solemn practice. It has no entertainment value. Never make the mistake of thinking it's a customized parlor game.

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)

What I Learned Today: A Collection of Lessons Learned

2009-04-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

What I Learned Today: A Collection of Lessons Learned

1. On Terminology: The use of the word "Keychain" does not make me sound any smarter. Keychain is a fairly simple word.

2. On Supply and Demand: If I was able to purchase something somewhere, I should pretty much know where to buy that something. No point in asking where it can be bought. (Refer to quotable quotes - to follow)

3. On Cats: Snarf is a hybrid cat. There are 2 Snarfs I know... 1 from Thundercats and the other from Kingfisher.

4. On Hygiene: Men love whisper for the same reason that women love tampons! And because it allows them to lift their women, wearing white pants in a concert.

5. On Car Racing: This covers a lot of areas. Discussion is necessary, since I cant summarize

6. On Psychology: A straight answer can never be demanded from a confused person. Furthermore, 2 confused people can never give a straight answer. There's a reason why they are confused.

7. On Events and Current Affairs: Adults know their own birthdays. Never argue with them and insist that you know their birthdays more than they do.

8. On Fine Arts: Color Blindness is a real and existing condition. It is not a myth nor is it a legend. Never get in an arguement just because your eyes cannot distinguish the colors that you see.

9. On Gravity: It is possible to drown in the Dead Sea. But you'll have to stick your head in the water and keep your legs upright above water level

10. On Linguistics: Just becuase you put a foreign accent on how you pronounce an English word doesnt make it a valid word in a foreign language.

11. On Fictional Literature and Mass Communication: Fuma Lay R and Grimace are ligitimate creatures. The only question is... what are they?? Are they vegetables, fruits, or crops? I honestly think Grimace is a Taro.. and I think Fuma Lay R is a rotten cabbage.

12. On Dining: Used straw wrappers are meant to be disposed in the trash can and not inside the cup. The reason being -- so you never end up sipping your drink with the wrapper.

13. On Driver's Education: The Law of Interia is applicable. And so is Newton's Law of Motion. For every action, there is always an opposed and equal reaction. Translation in lay man's term -- over speeding can cause serious concussion and trauma...specially when the passenger literally flies off the seat.

14. On Physics: Roller coasters are composed of factors such as speed, trajectory, velocity and force. It is never a good idea to consume a large chocolate milkshare from Dairy Queen before or after the ride, unless you plan on seeing how milkshake comes out from where it came in.

15. On Anatomy: Ears are for hearing. When talking to someone, it is necessary to put the phone by your ear to actually hear the person. You cannot expect to hear the person on the line if you are pulling away from the phone or if the phone is being pulled away from you.

To be continued....

Cheers!

~joyous =0)

Introduction

2009-04-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

Here's 20 questions that would hopefully help you know a little more about me and some points of view. I'll get into the Legal Documents, Resume, Biography, Geographical, Psychologic, Emotional and Mental details of myself as i go along.

Disclaimer: Im a very open minded person... my perception now maybe different from my perception in a few days. Hence, I have the tendency to contradict myself several times.

Let this serve as an apetizer for my upcoming blogs! Bon Apetite!!!

20 Questions

1. If you were to hang out just at one place for the rest of your life, where would it be?

It would most likely be in an airport

2. If you were to be stuck in an elevator, would you rather be alone or with someone else?

I'd rather be alone... more alone time for myself!

3. If you were to be a color, what color would you be?

I'd be green

4. If you were to be a cartoon character, which one would you be?

I'd like to be "MUSHROOM" in Super Mario Brothers

5. If there was one place in the world that you could live, where would it be?

I would like to live in Italy

6. If there was just one season for an entire year, which season would you want it to be?

I think I like Spring the best

7. If there was one sport you can be the best at, which sport would it be?

I'd like to be the best in gymnastics -- Im a frustrated gymnast

8. If you were to be one form of art, what would you be?

If I were to be a form of art, i'd like to be a non-mainstream song

9. If you were to speak a fluent language other than English and your native language, which language would it be?

I would like to be fluent in French

10. If you were to be invited by a famous person for dinner, who would you want it to be?

I would like Oprah to invite me for dinner

11. If you were to choose one folklore, which one would it be?

Irish Folklore: Shamrock and the Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow

12. If you were to have 2 celebrity friends local/international, who would it be?

International:
Ellen DeGeneres - I think she's really cool and a great person
Julia Roberts - she seems down to earth and av ery good actress. If in any case she doesnt like me, at least she can act it out well and pretend that she does.

14. If you were to teach one lesson to your children and grand children, what would it be?

That lesson would be gratitude

15. If you could save one person from passing away, who would it be?

I think I would save my mom - at least while im still alive

16. If you could choose the person you would fall in love with, who would it be

I would like to fall in love with my soulmate

17. If you were to add another commandment on the 10 commandments, what would it be?

Thou shall never forget to be grateful of thy blessings

18. If you were to choose a dream that you'll be dreaming every night, what would it be like?

I would choose a dream where I would be at peace and happy with the people I care most about

19. When all your hopes and dreams come true, who would you want to be standing next to?

I would like to stand with the person who's hopes and dreams is to see me at my happiest

20. On your last breath, what are the last words you'd like to say?

The last words would definitely be: "Thank you!"

And for those who noticed.... these are only 19 questions. # 13 was deliberately omitted because it is believed to be bad luck...

The 20th question is: Did you notice that there were only 19 questions?

Cheers!!

~joyous =0)